Rating: NC-17 for cussin' and sexin'
Category: S, R
Keywords: MSR, angst, kinda sorta an x-file, pre x-files
Distribution: Anywhere with my name and e-mail
Disclaimer: Anybody you recognize doesn't belong to me. 

Summary: Some feeling defy the confines of time.

Author's notes: This story deals with time travel in a completely
illogical and scientifically inaccurate way. Scully would shudder
at this. It's about feelings people :) Also, this story has a lot of
parts but I promise they are all relatively short.

Acknowledgments: Thanks to Laura for tireless and fearless
editing and for thinking of the title! And thanks to Amy for being
there when this thing was an amoebae of an idea and for helping
me make it grow. 





February 14, 2001

It's Valentine's Day. Never one of my favorite days but this one
has to be the topper. The worst Valentine's Day in the history of
a long line of crappy Valentine's Days. Just as every day in the
past nine months has been the worst of it's kind. Yesterday was
the worst February 13th. A month ago it was the worst January
13th. And so on. 

Yes, it's been 9 months. Almost. In two days it will be 9 months.
I haven't written or spoken of this, or anything really, to anyone.
Not yet. This is the first try. My court appointed therapist tells me
that if I write it will help. That if I let a little bit of it go, the
nightmares might abate, I will eat, I will speak. I don't believe
her. Nor do I care. 

I will try this though, if only to appease her, to make her stop
coming to me every day. If she thinks I am making progress,
maybe she will leave me alone. 

We were on a case. It was pretty run of the mill for us. Murder. I
can't do this.

Okay, try again. We were on a murder case. There were certain
irregularities in the corpses. God. Fuck it. Nobody cares about
that shit anymore, least of all me. Suffice it to say we were on a
case. We had a suspect and she went after him. To protect his
next target. She put herself in a lot of danger. A lot. And she
didn't tell me that she was going, she just went. Just ran off
without a word on a hunch. A fucking hunch. Okay, she caught
the guy, single handed. But I was pissed. I was really, really
pissed. 

I know it's nothing I hadn't done to her a thousand times.
Hypocrisy runs deep in my blood. I went to her hotel room to try
to talk to her, to ask her why she hadn't told me. God was I
pissed. She was too.

She didn't understand. God, she never understood. I think
maybe she thought she did, but she didn't, not really. I suppose
my methods of getting the point across weren't too effective. I
shook her. I actually shook her. And I made her cry. I yelled and
I shook and I tried to make her see how scared I was and I made
her fucking cry. I was just so tired. Tired of seeing her almost
die. I know it's part of the job description, part of the risk. I
accepted that risk for myself happily. I never accepted it for her
though. And she was part of me. And it wasn't fair that part of
me could run off without me and almost die without even asking
me if it was okay. 

That probably sounds chauvinistic. She's her own person. That's
what she told me anyway. I thought she knew that I couldn't live
without her. I thought I had made that clear. I think she wanted
me to tell her again. I think she wanted me to tell her why. I think
I almost did. I think I was so close to it that I could taste it. It was
time. We both knew that it was time already. Time to cut the
bullshit and finish what we had started so many times. So many
times that I wasted. 

But, as usual, something stopped us. This time it was a ringing
phone. She shook her head when it rang. She didn't want me to
answer it. Why did I answer it? I'm sorry. I'm so

Shit, all right, here we go again. I am supposed to be writing her
name. That's what the therapist said. I don't think I can. She
gave me a pen and paper the other day and asked me to write
it, just once. I couldn't. I scrawled out the shaky beginnings of an
S and then just gave up. I don't even want to try now. 

Anyway, I answered the phone. It was the sheriff. He wanted me
to come down to the station and fill out some reports. They
needed me. That's what I told myself, and her. It was important.
Always another important thing. 

She held her hand out across the door and told me I wasn't
leaving until we finished this. I couldn't. I wanted to. I was so
scared. 

Someone needed to get a statement from the killer's father.
That was for her. I told her to do that. It was safe. It was easy. I
thought I

I can't do this.


February 16

Well, I showed the shrink what I've written so far. Good progress
according to her. Yeah, fucking great. Really. I am so proud. 

So, here we go. I told her to go. That's right. I demanded that
she go. That she leave. She was being unprofessional, letting
our personal problems take precedence over the case. I knew
how to get to her, which buttons to push. God what a prick I was
that day. What a frightened, frantic, nasty prick. 

She went. She went because I asked her to. It seemed like
something simple to keep her busy for awhile. Maybe it would
give her time to forget, to let this slide the way she usually let
my emotional fits slide. I told her to go so that I could escape.
Because I am a coward. Because I am selfish.

No self-reproach. That's what therapy woman tells me. She
wants me to write this without talking about what a waste of
space I am, about how pathetic I am. She doesn't want me to
write about the fact that it should have been me. How am I
supposed to do that?

She thinks if I can manage it they might take me off the suicide
watch. I doubt that though.

So, she went. She went to interview the psycho's father and I
went to the sheriff's office. When I was there I couldn't think of
anything but the look on her face when I picked up that damn
phone. I knew I had let her down. Again. And I vowed to make it
up to her. Someday, somehow. One day I would have enough
courage to let this thing happen, to let her give herself to me.
One day I would have enough faith in myself, be a good enough
person to trust myself with her. 

I didn't even sense that something was wrong. I didn't even
know. How could I not have fucking known?

The call came in as I was getting ready to leave, ready to face
her again. I remember hoping she was delayed, that I wouldn't
have to see her for a few more hours. I didn't want to see her.
God. I didn't want to face her. God.

It was the hospital. Your partner's been hurt. Your partner's been
shot. Shot in the head. Your partner is dying. I don't remember
what I felt. I don't remember driving to the hospital. I swear I
don't. I'm not trying to avoid writing about it. I honestly don't
remember. 

I remember getting to the emergency room. I remember a
woman, a nurse, talking to me. Telling me it was over, telling me
she had "passed". That's what that motherfucking cunt said to
me. "Sorry, she's passed." I didn't understand. Passed? Passed
what? I just kept asking the nurse where she was, over and over.
I didn't understand. It was like someone telling you the sun had
exploded and wasn't going to be coming around anymore. It just
doesn't make sense. Where did it go? When is it coming back?
You just don't understand. 

Eventually a doctor came up to me and told me where she was.
The morgue. She was in the morgue. Doing an autopsy, I
wondered. No, she's passed. Same fucking thing. They wouldn't
tell me where the morgue was so I went and found it for myself.
I'd been to enough of them to know where to look. 

But when I got there, she wasn't there. There was just some guy
in a lab coat and a bunch of drawers. I asked him where she
was, what they had done with her. He pointed to one of the
drawers and asked me to leave. But how could I leave when
they had locked her in a drawer? 

I pulled it open and she was there. Looking back it's hard to
fathom how I could have thought she was still alive. She was
cold and blue. The side of her face was God, it was just gone.
But I still didn't understand. Fuck it, I still don't. I still sometimes
think that. I guess that's why I'm here. They tell me over and
over that she's not. I held her lifeless body in my hands. I still
cannot believe sometimes. 

I took her out of the drawer and I started to carry her out of
there. She was naked, just like the last time they had taken her,
and I covered her with the sheet she was laying on and held her
close to my body. The lab guy called security I suppose because
soon there were men with badges and guns everywhere telling
me to let her go. I couldn't, how could I? 

I collapsed onto the floor, still holding her and cradled her in my
lap. I tried talking to her, whispering in her ear, telling her I was
sorry but she still wouldn't wake up. I slapped her. I slapped her
beautiful face and she still wouldn't wake up. I didn't understand.
I don't understand. Scully where are you? Scully. God. Scully.


February 20th

Shrink woman is very impressed with my progress. She wants
me to show my entries to the group since I won't say a word to
any of them. Fuck that shit. She's lucky I'm showing them to her. 

Despite my so called progress, I haven't been able to write for
the past four days. After finishing my last entry I slipped into a
semi-catatonic state for awhile. That's what they call it anyway. I
dunno, I just didn't want to do anything for awhile. What the
hell's wrong with that? 

Anyway, today I got bored with catatonia and decided to write a
little bit. I'm supposed to talk about my "process" now. How I
ended up here. 

I suppose it's needless to say that after the episode in the
hospital I was deemed unfit for duty and removed from the
bureau. Well, they called it an "extended vacation until such
time as Agent Mulder has recovered from the death of his
partner". We all knew what that meant though. I was gone for
good.

I didn't go to the funeral. Is that horrible? A lot of people think
that it was. Her family was furious. Her mother made a special
trip to my apartment to tell me I was a selfish bastard and ought
to be ashamed for not showing up. She told me her daughter
would have been very disappointed in me. She'd wanted me to
deliver a eulogy. They didn't understand. How could I give a
eulogy for someone who wasn't really dead. 

Yes, I still thought she was coming back at this point. I thought a
funeral was a travesty. It was a hoax perpetrated by our
enemies. They had taken her again and put some dead clone in
her place so that I wouldn't look for her. I was absolutely certain
that this was the case and wouldn't hear anything else for a long
time. 

I looked for her. I didn't have the bureau's resources but I did
what I could. Lots of people tried to talk to me at this point. I
guess this is when I stopped speaking altogether. I just couldn't
argue anymore. They all kept telling me she was dead and I got
so tired of the sad, sympathetic look they'd give me when I told
them that she wasn't. I didn't need their fucking pity. I still don't. 

Eventually I found the man that supposedly killed her. He was
very angry about her arresting his son and apparently psychosis
runs in the family. He disappeared for awhile after the shooting
but I managed to track him down. I guess that's when it clicked. 

When I saw him I finally understood what he had done. He had
killed her and she wasn't coming back. It was no surprise to
anyone that I killed him. I think if that's all I had done I wouldn't
even be here. One clean gunshot wound to the head. If that's all
I had done I would probably just be in prison. Or maybe even
free. There's a certain leniency in the system, a code that
protects those who kill someone who has murdered a law
enforcement officer. But that's not what I did.

I guess you could say that I tortured him. I suppose that one
could say that. I'm not interested in getting into the details. It's
enough to say that he died a slow and painful death. And I don't
regret it. At all. And if that means that I will never get out of here
then so be it. I will never apologize. I will never have an ounce
of remorse. 

Once it was done I realized that my one purpose left in life had
been achieved and that it was time to blow this taco stand. 

I was so close. The gun was in my mouth, safety off, hand on
the trigger. And then they shot me. Motherfucking cops shot my
hand so that I would drop the gun. It took me a few months to
get the use of my hand completely back. Dumb fuckers. It was
none of their business. Why stop a man from killing himself only
to put him in an institution for the criminally insane at the
taxpayer's expense. What good does that do anyone? I'm sure
someone could lose an election over that shit. 

After they shot me they took me to the hospital. They fixed my
hand and then they arrested me. It was actually pretty funny. No
one seemed to know what to do with me for a long time. I sat in
a jail cell, staring at the wall for a few days. Then there was a
trial. Skinner got me a lawyer. I guess he was a good lawyer. He
wanted me to talk though. He thought if I could express my
emotional distress to the jury they would be easier on me. I think
my silence conveyed the message just as strongly. Anyway, it
was pretty obvious to everyone involved that I was a mental
incompetent. So they sent me here. And here I am still.

xxxx

Mulder dropped his pen and looked up nervously. Someone was
reading over his shoulder, he could sense it. He turned around
to the deranged visage of Crazy Larry. Larry was often likened
to an uglier, scarier version of Hannibal Lecter. Everyone in the
place was afraid of him except for Mulder. Mulder understood
where he was coming from. 

Larry had lost his entire family in one night. His wife and children
had been murdered right in front of him. He'd been a scientist
before that. After the murders he'd turned into a professional
lunatic. 

The men locked eyes and Mulder closed his journal protectively.

"You're writing. That's good." 

Mulder rolled his eyes and looked away. 

"That's right, you don't talk. Well, that's just as well. I need to tell
you something and it would be better if you didn't interrupt." 

Larry sat down beside him and Mulder got up to leave. The rec.
room was giving him a headache anyway. All these noisy
loonies. He preferred to go mad quietly thank you very much. 

"Wait! Don't leave. This is important. It's about your girlfriend." 

Mulder turned angrily back towards him. Girlfriend. Fucking
asshole. Was that supposed to be some kind of fucking joke?
She had never been his girlfriend. Larry saw his mistake and
amended for it. 

"Or, whatever she was. The woman who died. The one you lost.
I'm talking to you because I know you want her back. I know
you'd do anything to have her back."

Mulder just glared at the man and started to walk away again.
Larry grabbed his arm. Mulder was starting to get extremely
frustrated with the situation. Why was he tormenting him this
way? 

"I know a way. I know a way that you can go back and save her.
Isn't that what you want more than anything? To go back and
change things so that she never died?" 

Bastard. Fucking bastard fucking with his head.

"Isn't that what you lie awake crying silently to yourself wishing
you could do?"

"Fuck. Off." Mulder growled quietly. 

"Ah, we're not completely mute." Larry grinned. "I apologize if
I've angered you. It wasn't my intention."

Mulder wondered what the hell his intention was then. 

"It's just that I can see you're as desperate as I am. I want to
help you. I assure you, I'm completely sincere." 

Mulder doubted that but he didn't really have anything else to do
with his time. And if there was a chance, a one in a billion
chance, he had to listen. How could he not? He sat back down
and Larry smiled again.

"Good. Good choice. I realize that you're going to think I'm full
of shit. I completely understand. This is probably going to be the
most implausible thing you've ever heard." 

Mulder seriously doubted that. 

"Before they brought me here I was working on a project with a
colleague of mine. He'd always been interested in the prospect
of time travel you see. I thought him a bit of an eccentric but
when...well, when the unfortunate incidents occurred, I became
interested, even obsessed with the idea. What if I could go
back? What if I could change things? Make it so we'd never
been in the house that night. A simple thing. Go to the movies,
go anywhere. These tiny choices, sometimes they make all the
difference."

Larry grew silent for a moment. His haggard face took on a
haunted look. One that Mulder recognized from the mirror. Tiny
things. Don't leave. Don't let her go.

Time travel. Mulder believed it to be entirely plausible. Hell, he'd
seen it. He was surprised he hadn't thought of it himself. Change
one small thing and your whole life is different. 

"When I was locked up I was afraid that the project would be
aborted," Larry continued. "But my colleague continued the
work. And yesterday he visited me with some very intriguing
news. He's sent something back. Mind you, it's only a rat. But
the possibilities seem to be endless."

"Why are you telling me this?" Mulder asked. He was still
suspicious of Larry's motives.

"Because as I said, you seem as desperate as I am. I thought
you might be interested."

"Interested in what?"

"Well, we've sent a rat. The next logical step is to attempt to
send a man."

Ah, there it was. Larry wanted Mulder to be a guinea pig in some
twisted mad scientist routine. 

"The catch of it is, the rat's body is still here. It's, well, it's more
or less dead."

"More or less?"

"Well, brain dead. The apparatus transmits the subjects mind,
their essence, their soul if you believe in such a thing,
backwards in time, into the body they once inhabited."

This really was starting to sound like the most implausible thing
Mulder had ever heard. It was almost laughable. 

"So, what happens to the old mind?"

Larry shrugged in response. Great. That was just great. 

"We don't exactly have all of the kinks worked out. That's why
we need you." 

Mulder laughed for the first time in nine months. It was the most
ridiculous, idiotic thing anyone had ever suggested to him. And it
was also his only chance. And besides his meaningless life, he
had absolutely nothing to lose.


end part one


 Title: Eleventh Hour (2/11)
 Author: Rachel Anton
 E-mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating: NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 Mulder woke up assaulted by a variety of pungent smells; dirty
 sweat socks, old pizza, spilled bong water, unwashed sheets. He
 had a strong sense of deja vu. The odor seemed strangely
 familiar. It bore no resemblance to the antiseptic institutional
 aroma he was used to waking up with. 
 
 It also bore no resemblance to July 3rd of the year 2000. That's
 where he was supposed to be. That's where the ridiculous
 apparatus Larry had put on his head was supposed to have
 taken him. He wasn't there. And he wasn't here. Where was he?
 
 He opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a dump. An
 absolute pigsty. Worse than his apartment in DC on its worst
 days. He was lying in a small single mattress on the floor in the
 middle of a disaster area. A familiar disaster area. He
 remembered. It was his old room. His room in the house he'd
 shared with Mark and that other guy...Steven. That jerk Steven.
 It was the summer after he'd gotten his AB from Oxford. He'd
 been back in the States for summer vacation and he'd lived with
 Mark, his only friend from high school. 
 
 Mark had been something of an outcast at Mulder's school.
 Almost as much as Mulder himself had been. Mulder had turned
 into himself for comfort and Mark had turned to drugs, crime and
 whatever other trouble he could get himself into. They'd gotten
 along quite well. Mulder had been thrilled when Mark decided to
 go to college. He'd always been bright if somewhat disturbed. So
 Mulder had decided to come and spend the summer with his old
 friend in his new college town. Steve was just some jerk Mark
 was friends with. 
 
 The three of them had shared a house in Maryland for the
 summer. And that was where he was. That was actually where
 he was. That crazy motherfucker had been right. He was here.
 Granted here was about 20 years further back then he'd wanted
 but still, it was unbelievable.
 
 He jumped out of the bed and walked to the tiny mirror on the
 wall. Stupid bowl haircut. No gray hairs. No wrinkles. This was
 real. He was here. Or he'd gone even further off the deep end.
 Either way, it was 1982 again. 
 
 He was twenty one years old. Again. And he wasn't going to
 meet Scully for another ten years. His momentary excitement
 gave way to a crushing disappointment when he realized this.
 He'd only wanted to go back a few months, just long enough to
 save her, to change that one day, not his whole bloody life.
 
 He felt suddenly and completely at a loss. What the hell was he
 supposed to do now? He didn't want to relive those ten years.
 They had been miserable. And if he changed even the slightest
 thing it might backfire and result in his never meeting Scully at
 all. 
 
 But still, she was alive. If it was 1982 she was somewhere and
 she was alive. And that made him feel alive for the first time
 since she'd died. Even if he never met her in this life he would
 always know that she existed somewhere. And that was a
 marked improvement. 
 
 He looked around the room for something to wear since he had
 woken up completely naked. There were clothes strewn
 everywhere but he wasn't sure how to judge which things were
 dirty and which were *really* dirty. Nothing was clean, that much
 was clear. 
 
 He picked up a white T-shirt that was hanging from a chair and a
 pair of gray sweatpants that had no visible signs of filth on them
 and threw them on. It was time to go and face his life, no matter
 how tedious and frustrating it turned out to be. 
 
 xxxxx
 
 Mulder found Mark in the kitchen cooking eggs. It was actually
 great to see his scruffy face again and Mulder almost felt like
 hugging him. That wouldn't have gone over too well though. 
 
 "Morning, want some eggs?" 
 
 Well, he really was here. Mark saw him. 
 
 "Um, yeah, sure."  He sat down at the kitchen table which was
 littered with beer bottles and potato chip bags. 
 
 "So that was some party last night huh?" 
 
 Party? Last night? Sorry Mark, last night I was in a mental
 institution.
 
 "Uh, yeah, sure was." 
 
 "You must have a hell of a hangover man." 
 
 He didn't have a hangover but he was starting to get a
 headache. Had he really lived like this?
 
 "Yeah, yup. Sure do."
 
 Mark placed a plate of scrambled eggs in front of Mulder. 
 
 "Eat this. It'll help." 
 
 Mulder dug into the meal and was surprised to find himself
 enjoying it. It was the first food he'd been able to taste since
 Scully had gone. 
 
 "So, you psyched for that 4th of July party tomorrow?" 
 
 Mulder smiled to himself. 4th of July. At least Crazy Larry had
 gotten the day right. He nodded in what he hoped passed for an
 enthusiastic way. He never really liked parties. Even then. He
 had gone to a lot of them that summer though, mostly to humor
 Mark. 
 
 If he remembered correctly though, he hadn't gone to the one on
 the 4th of July. A horrible recollection set in and he suddenly
 wasn't hungry anymore. He had spent that particular 4th of July
 on the phone with Phoebe. Talking about her upcoming visit to
 Maryland. To him. Jesus fucking Christ. That was one thing he
 was going to HAVE to change. He couldn't bear the thought of
 two years with that woman no matter what.
 
 "It's gonna be great man, totally huge. Lots of freshmeat."
 Mulder grimaced. Freshmeat was Mark's loving term for
 freshman girls. He was starting to wonder why he had gotten
 along so well with this guy. He was a good person inside, Mulder
 knew, but on the outside he could be a little...crass.
 
 "Yeah, there's a pre-college orientation thing this weekend so
 there should be lots of innocent young ladies wandering about,
 waiting to be corrupted. Not that you should be thinking about
 that my man. I keep forgetting that you're taken."
 
 He was taken. Ugh.
 
 "Yeah well, I'm not sure how much longer that's gonna be the
 case." 
 
 "What? She dump your sorry ass already?" 
 
 "No, actually, I've been thinking about dumping hers." God that
 felt surprisingly good to say. 
 
 "Excuse me? Where did this come from?"
 
 "I dunno, just something tells me that she's not the right person
 for me." And that was the understatement of the universe.
 
 "She's hot man."
 
 "Not really." No way. Mulder knew what hot was now and it was
 not Phoebe Green. 
 
 "Well, that's cool. You should enjoy the party even more then."
 
 Mulder seriously doubted that. He was sure the whole thing
 would irritate him now more than ever. And he certainly wasn't
 about to go trolling for "freshet". But he would go. It wasn't like
 he had anything better to do with his time.
 
 xxxxx
 
 Dana was bored. There was no way of getting around it. She
 was at her first bona fide college party and she was bored off
 her ass. She absently took a drag off her cigarette, hoping it
 made her look like she had something to do. And that maybe,
 just maybe, it made her look older than fourteen. 
 
 She glanced nervously around for her friend Rebecca again.
 Rebecca had dragged her here in hopes of meeting some of
 their soon to be classmates. So far Dana had met no one and
 Rebecca seemed to have abandoned her. 
 
 There were so many people here. It seemed like the entire state
 was packed into this one tiny house. They spilled out onto the
 lawn and into the pool too. It was the biggest party Dana had
 ever been to. She found it all very intimidating. She was not
 generally the most social person in the world. She had managed
 to make a small group of friends in high school but that was all
 over now. Once again, she had to start over. 
 
 At least she still had Rebecca. They had been friends for two
 years now and they had just moved into an apartment near
 campus. It was the first time Dana had lived anywhere but her
 parents house. Her family only lived twenty minutes away but it
 was still scary and exciting.
 
 Kind of like this party. Minus the exciting part. Dana took a swig
 from the plastic cup of Budweiser she was holding and told
 herself not to vomit. She was hoping if she managed to stomach
 enough of the vile stuff this party might get more interesting. Or
 at least seem to. So far she just felt nauseous. 
 
 She was suddenly nostalgic for past nights spent with high
 school friends on the beach, or at someone's house, sitting
 around and talking about life and boys and other stupid things.
 That had been fun. Not like this. How was she supposed to get
 to know anyone in this zoo? How was she supposed to even
 introduce herself? She felt more lonely than she would have if
 she'd been alone. 
 
 Someone bumped into her from behind, interrupting her
 musings. She turned around to face a large man with a chiseled
 face and bulging muscles. He looked wasted. And mean. He
 looked like someone Rebecca would like. But he wasn't Dana's
 type at all.
 
 "Oops. Sorry sweetie." Sweetie? Dana did almost vomit at that. 
 
 "Hey you look kinda young to be drinkin'. How old are ya babe?" 
 
 She tried to hide her grimace of disgust. At least someone was
 talking to her. Or rather shouting at her. 
 
 "I'm eighteen."
 
 "Really? No shit. You look younger. So, you're legal then." He
 leaned in close enough for her to smell the liquor on his breath.
 He was starting to make her nervous.
 
 "Actually the drinking age is twenty-one in Maryland." 
 
 Her new friend burst out laughing.
 
 "I wasn't talking about drinking babe, I was talking about
 fucking." 
 
 Great. That was just swell. This was actually worse than
 standing by herself. 
 
 "Um, look, I've gotta go, I see my friend over there so..." She
 started to walk away but the man grabbed her arm.
 
 "Wait babe, don't go, what's your name? My name's John."
 
 "Well John, I really have to go." She pulled her arm from his
 grasp and ducked behind another huge man. Everyone here was
 so damned big. Goddamn assholes. She was sick of this stupid
 party. She wanted to go home. If only she could find Rebecca.
 
 xxxxx
 
 "God this place is packed." 
 
 "What?"
 
 Mulder raised his voice a few decibels to be heard over the din.
 
 "I said it's packed."
 
 Mark nodded and grinned. "Great huh?"
 
 Mulder smiled weakly. Great. Just great. He wanted to go home
 already. There were too many people and he was a tad
 claustrophobic. The music was deafening and the place smelled
 like smoke, stale beer and vomit. College party. Hooray.
 
 Mulder was still pretty happy about his accomplishment from
 earlier that day though. Phoebe had called as he had
 remembered to ask when he wanted her to come and visit. What
 a rare treat it had been to tell her that he didn't think she should
 come at all. That maybe, if he felt like it, he'd give her a call
 when he was back in England. She'd seemed more shocked
 than crushed. Her little puppy wasn't sniffing around her feet
 anymore. 
 
 All in all it had been a delightful conversation and he was still
 feeling a little giddy from it. But not giddy enough to make this
 situation livable. It was worse than he even remembered it.
 
 He wished that Scully were there. They would have spent a few
 minutes laughing at the drunken morons and then slip off to
 some quiet restaurant. Maybe watch the fireworks in the park.
 He sighed sadly. Scully was years away. He had this to deal with
 first. 
 
 He started looking around for the keg. There was no way he'd
 live through this night without at least a drink or two. He waded
 his way through throngs of people and eventually found the
 kitchen. There were a bunch of guys standing around the keg
 having a belching contest. Lovely. 
 
 He got himself a drink and stood against the wall, observing the
 frantic activity around him with disinterest. Some people were
 dancing. Others were shouting in each other's ears, trying to
 communicate he supposed. Some people were just collapsed on
 couches in chemically induced stupors.
 
 "Get a load of that one." It was Steve. He was pointing rudely
 out the kitchen doorway at what Mulder could only assume was
 a piece of "freshmeat". He glanced in her direction. She was
 pretty in a traditional sort of way. The sort of way Mulder might
 have been bowled over by before he met Scully. She was tall
 with long legs, long curly brown hair, lots of makeup, and skinny
 as a rail. Yeah she was his type all right. Back when he'd had a
 type. 
 
 But he was more intrigued with her friend. She was talking to a
 smaller girl whose head was turned slightly away. He could tell
 she was pretty though. She had long wavy red hair that hung
 almost to her hips. She was wearing baggy clothes which only
 served to accentuate how tiny she was. She looked very young.
 Too young to be drinking that beer and smoking that cigarette
 nervously. She also looked very unhappy. She seemed to be
 telling her friend something urgent. Probably that she wanted to
 go home. It was certainly a sentiment Mulder could relate to.
 She was cute. There was something about her. He couldn't stop
 looking.
 
 "Pretty hot huh?"
 
 "Which one?"
 
 "Which one? Are you kidding? The babe not her little sister
 dude. Man you're sick." Mulder shrugged. Maybe he was.
 
 Then she turned. She was walking angrily away from her friend,
 or big sister, right in Mulder's direction. And he saw her face.
 And he saw her eyes. And he died. And he was reborn. 
 
 It was her. 
 
 God, it was her.
 
 He was paralyzed. He couldn't move or speak as she stalked
 towards him. He could only stare. Gape. 
 
 She pushed through the crowd and eventually past him. She
 seemed to him to be moving in slow motion even though she
 was probably walking very fast. She brushed against him as she
 stormed away and fixed him with a ball breaking glare. The way
 he was looking at her must have bothered her. 
 
 She scowled at him again and moved through the back door.
 And then she was gone. 
 
 It was definitely her. 
 
 And he had no idea what to do. Should he follow her outside?
 Try to talk to her? The very thought sent tremors of excitement
 through his whole body. 
  
 But what if that screwed things up? What if he screwed things
 up? What if he destroyed her life all over again? For the first
 time he thought maybe he should just stay away entirely, save
 her from the misery of ever knowing him, let alone being killed
 because of him. 
 
 He told himself to stay away. At least until it was time. But he
 knew that all the guilt, all the self-reproach in the world wasn't
 going to be enough to keep him away in the long run. He needed
 her. God how he needed her. And this time he would do it right.
 He would take care of her this time. No one was going to hurt
 her ever again. Including him. 
 
 And as soon as it looked like he was hurting her, he would be
 gone, out of her life forever. He just wanted to talk to her. Just
 this one time. Just tonight. Just tonight.
 
 
 end part two


Title: Eleventh Hour (3/11)
Author: Rachel Anton
E-mail: RaValliano@aol.com
Rating: NC-17
See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.



"Goddamn stupid party. Stupid fucking people." Dana worked
her way through the crowded lawn, cursing this place, her life,
and anything else that popped into her head. Eventually she
found a quiet spot on the far side of the lawn. She was far
enough that she could barely see the party and it was so dark
there that no one could see her. She sat down in the grass and
lit another cigarette. She was smoking way too much tonight. It
seemed to be the only thing keeping her even remotely calm.

For some reason as she sat there, her mind drifted back to the
strange man she'd run into on her way out. He was the only
person who'd even made the slightest impression on her in this
hell hole. Maybe it was because he'd been staring at her like a
lunatic. Or maybe it was his eyes. The way they seemed to
penetrate her very soul. Or maybe it was just that he was
damned cute. 

But he was here. He was at this party from hell and that was
enough to make her hate him. But still, he was in her head and
he wouldn't leave. He seemed almost familiar but she knew she
had never met him. She would have remembered those lips. 

"Whatcha doin out here all by yourself?" 

She jumped, startled, and looked up. It was her new buddy John
again. Jesus Christ. 

"I needed some SPACE." She said, hoping he would get the
hint.

"Oh, I gotcha, sounds like a good idea." 

He sat down next to her, not getting the hint. John was not too
bright apparently.

"Actually I was thinking I should get back. I'm sure my
*boyfriend* is looking for me." 

She laughed to herself just saying it. Boyfriend. Right. 

"Boyfriend huh? Now why don't I believe that?"

"I don't know John but you should. He's a marine and he gets
really jealous. He wouldn't be too happy to find you out here with
me so..."

He grabbed her arm. Tight. Too tight.

"Yeah, okay, your marine boyfriend. Why don't you just drop the
bull and sit here with me. I won't bite. Unless you want me to." 

She pulled at her arm but he had a steel grip. He wasn't going to
let her go. She felt a panicky feeling start to rise in her chest and
told herself to calm down. She could handle this. She could
handle anything. 

"C'mon babe. Don't play hard to get. What are you shy?"

"I'm not shy and I'm not playing anything. I'm not interested so
just let me go." 

She realized she was starting to sound frantic. She needed to
get control back. She tried to stand but he pulled her back down
and pushed her to the ground. 

He was so big, so much bigger than her. Her brother Bill
probably wouldn't have been able to take him. How was she
supposed to?

She felt the burn of tears beginning in the back of her throat.
She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't let him see her cry. 

But he was on top of her. He was on top of her and he was so
heavy and she couldn't breath and he was kissing her. God, he
was kissing her and he was disgusting and huge and she felt the
tears start to fall despite her efforts.

He had her pinned to the ground, his hands holding her wrists
and she knew what was coming, she knew what was going to
happen to her. There was no one to help her, or even hear her if
she cried out. She was alone. 

He started to touch her more forcefully and grind his body
against hers and she used the one weapon she had, her teeth.
She bit down on his lip, hard enough to draw blood. But this only
seemed to make him angrier. He freed her wrist long enough to
smack her across the face and rip open her blouse.

She wished she had a gun. She wished she had a marine
boyfriend. She wished she'd never come to this god awful place.
And then she started to pray.

xxxxx

Where the hell had she gone? Mulder looked through the crowd
on the porch, the lawn, the pool. He'd looked everywhere. She
must have gone home. If she had he might never find her again.
He needed to keep looking. 

He left the more populated area and moved towards the empty
parts of the lawn. Maybe she'd come out here to be alone. If so
she wasn't likely to be pleased to see him. But at least he could
look at her. At least he could see her eyes, her life. That would
be enough for now.

He kept walking until he reached the outskirts of the lawn. He
was far away from the party now and there was still no sign of
her. 

Then he heard something. It sounded like a muffled scream. It
sounded like a woman. 

He started running towards the sound but it was so dark. He
could barely see where he was going. He was only a few feet
from the fence at the end of the yard when he saw them. 

It was Scully. Scully and some guy. For a minute he was
terrified that he'd come across an intimate moment and felt like
a total jackass. The man was holding her down and she was
writhing under him in a bra and jeans. He watched them for a
moment, trying to judge the situation. 

It looked like she was struggling but she could have just been
excited or something. He couldn't be sure. 

Then he heard her again. A tiny whimper. One word. No. 

"Get off her!"

He grabbed the back of the guy's shirt with both hands and
pulled as hard as he could and then delivered what he hoped
was a strong kick to his middle section. It was enough to make
him fall beside Scully.

The guy looked confused for a minute. Then angry.

"Hey buddy, mind your own damn business okay."

He stood up to face Mulder and, he supposed, intimidate him
with his height. Mulder was too furious to be intimidated. He
balled his fist and hit him across the face. Blood shot out of his
nose and Mulder hoped that he had broken it. 

Luckily the guy was so damned drunk he couldn't even hit
Mulder back. He staggered backwards into the fence and Mulder
grabbed his throat and pinned him against it. 

"I think it's time to go back to the party sport." 

"What the hell is your problem man?" 

"Do you want more of this?" Mulder demanded, using his free
hand to belt the guy again. "I'll kill you I swear to God!" 

"Alright! Jesus." 

Mulder let him go and he staggered off in the direction of the
house. 

Mulder turned back to Scully. She was standing with her arms
crossed over her chest, giving him that same glare. He walked
closer to her and touched her cheek gently.

"Are you okay?"

She jerked away from his touch.

"I'm fine." 

Oh yeah. It was his Scully all right. He felt like dancing. He felt
like screaming. He felt like pulling her to him and never letting
go. 

His Scully. This had happened to her. And he hadn't been
around the first time. How far had it gone? Had that man raped
her? Why had she never told him? He felt like crying suddenly. 

Not this time though. This time he was doing it right. But why
had she come out here with this jerk in the first place? He felt
suddenly and inexplicably angry. Why was she always putting
herself in danger like this?

"Are you sure? You don't look fine." 

She really didn't. Her shirt was ripped and there was the
beginning of a nasty bruise on her cheek. She was shaking and
there were tears streaming down her face. 

"I said I was fine. I can take care of myself." 

"Can you?"

"Look I was handling it all right. It's none of your business
anyway."

"Oh yeah, you were handling it great. Why the hell did you come
out here with that asshole anyway? What were you thinking?" 

He regretted the words instantly. He was talking to her as if he
knew her. Like he had some kind of claim on her life. The way
he would have talked to her in their future. And even then it
would have pissed her off. Now it positively infuriated her.

"Excuse me? What the hell does that have to do with you? Who
the hell are you? You're not my fucking father!"

She started to walk away from him. It was the same thing. It was
the same fucking argument. He wasn't going to let it happen
again. He couldn't let her get away. Not like this.

"My name is Fox Mulder. And you're right. And I'm sorry."

She turned back to him. That was something. 

"Well Fox Mulder, for your information I didn't come out here
with him, as you know because you were gaping at me when I
came out by MYSELF. I came out here to get away from this
goddamn zoo but it seems to have followed me so I'm going
home."

She turned haughtily on her heel and started walking back to the
party. He ran after her and started walking beside her.

"Wait!"

"What?" she scowled. She hated him already. It made him sad
but it also excited him. She was Scully. She was invigorating,
frustrating, challenging. She was the same woman he'd fallen in
love with. And she was here, alive.

"How are you going to get home?"

"I'm going to find my friend. She drove me here. Not that that's
any of your business either." 

He couldn't help but smile. It was Scully. Scully, he had to stop
calling her that. He wasn't even supposed to know her name yet.
He needed to ask before he screwed up.

"So, what's your name?"

She stopped and turned to him.

"Look, I am not in the mood for this all right?"

"Is your friend that girl with the brown hair? I saw her before.
She didn't look ready to leave."

She sighed audibly and rolled her eyes.

"Oh. I get it now. Her name is Rebecca and she's inside. I don't
run interference for her so if you wanna talk to her go do it
yourself." 

She stormed away from him again and he groaned at his own
stupidity. Now she thought he was after her friend. What was he
going to do wrong next?

"No. No, I don't wanna talk to her. I just...I just wanna know your
name. And to know that you're gonna get home all right. That's
all."

He looked into her eyes and prayed that she could see what was
there, that she could feel the honesty, the connection. He prayed
that she could trust him, that he hadn't lost that.

xxxxx

He seemed sincere. He seemed to be on the level. He didn't
seem drunk. But Dana was still wary. How was she supposed to
trust anyone at this place? 

He had helped her though. For whatever reason. Had he done it
so that he could have her to himself and do the same thing?

No. That just wasn't right and she knew it. 

Fox Mulder. He sounded like a spoiled little rich boy. Fox.
Whatever. 

And what the hell was his problem? Acting like her father, acting
like what had happened had been her fault. Condescending jack
ass, that's what he was. That's what she told herself. Or tried to.
It didn't really work.

Fox was a cute name. And an appropriate one. He hadn't just
been angry before, he'd been afraid for her. He cared. For some
reason, he cared. 

"My name is Dana Scully and I have no idea how I'm going to
get home tonight." 

He smiled at her and dammit he had a gorgeous smile. So
sweet, so soft and warm. Damn him.

"Well Dana Scully, I am truly sorry about the way I acted
before."

"No, I'm sorry. You...you helped me. And you're right. I needed
it. So um...thank you." 

That had to be the hardest thing she'd ever said. She was
rewarded by an even wider grin, and an even cuter one. She felt
her stomach do a little flip flop at the sight. No. Not this guy. Not
at this place.

"So Dana Scully, you see your friend anywhere?" 

They had reached the party and there was no sign of Rebecca.
She did see John though, sitting in a corner with his buddies,
nursing his wounds. He hadn't noticed them yet but Dana was
sure that there would be trouble if he did. Fox Mulder may have
been able to kick John's ass but he wouldn't be able to handle a
whole group of Johns. 

"No, I don't see her. And I kind of think we should get out of
here." 

She gestured towards John and he nodded in agreement. 

"That would probably be a wise decision."

He led her out of the house and to the front lawn. There were
more people out here  but she still didn't see Rebecca. 

"So Dana Scully, what do we do now?" 

Dana shrugged helplessly.

"I dunno. God this is a nightmare." 

"These parties always are." 

Well, that was a point in his favor. At least he didn't actually like
it here.

"Um, yeah I guess. I mean, I don't really know. This is the first
one I've been to."

"Well, if you're lucky it'll be your last." 

She smiled for the first time all night. 

"So, where would you rather be Dana Scully?" 

"Um...ANYWHERE."

He laughed. He had a nice laugh. Why did he have to have such
a nice everything? Dana wasn't used to feeling so charmed so
fast. 

"Seriously though, is there something else you'd rather be
doing?" 

There were so many things. She didn't even know where to
start.

"I'd rather be home. I'd rather be curled up under a comforter
with a good book. I'd rather be at the beach or the park watching
the fireworks. Actually I'd love to be on a boat somewhere,
watching the fireworks over the water."

She stopped, suddenly realizing what a boring dork she probably
sounded like. She tried to think of something more exciting to
say but before she could he smiled sweetly at her and held out
his arm. 

"Well, I don't have a boat but I've got a car. I can take you to the
park and we can watch the fireworks. Or I can just take you
home if you'd like."

She regarded him skeptically for a moment. She should know
better than to take a ride from a strange man. Especially after
what had just happened. But somehow, somewhere along the
line she had started to trust Fox Mulder. She didn't know why but
it was a very strong feeling.

He may be presumptuous and irritating but he wasn't going to
hurt her. She just knew it. Besides, she couldn't really think of
another way out of this besides walking the whole way home. An
even more dangerous option. Still though, it didn't seem like the
greatest idea. 

"I'd like to go home I think. But um, I can probably find another
way. Thanks though."

"Another way? Like what?"

She glared at him. 

"Sorry, none of my business again. I just don't want you to be
stuck. I'm a Jewish mother. I worry."

He was adorable. And he was starting to crumble the last of her
resolve. 

"How about this, how about I let you drive my car home. That
way you'll be sure I'm taking you home and not to some
deserted alley or something."

He held out a set of keys to her.

"And if I start acting like a jerk, you can drive us right to the
police station. How's that?"

 That did seem okay. 

"Well, all right."

His face lit up like a Christmas tree. Just for letting him drive her
home. Why did he care so much? He better not be thinking he
was in for more than the pleasure of her company. Although, the
thought that he might want more sent an inexplicable tremor
through her body.

He led her to his car and she wasn't entirely surprised to see that
it was a nice new shiny one. Probably cost a fortune. Spoiled
little rich boy. She began running him down in her head again,
trying her damnedest to get rid of that stupid tremor. 

She got behind the wheel and found that she had to move the
seat about a foot forward to reach the peddles. She caught him
smirking and gave him an icy glare.

"I should warn you that I just got my license."

He looked a little afraid but mostly amused. 

"Well Dana Scully, this should be quite an adventure then."

end part 3

Mulder was a little bit terrified. Scully was never much of a
 driver. She had always made him a little nervous. But this was
 downright frightening. So far she'd blown three stop signs and
 practically swerved off the road. 
 
 He couldn't have cared less. He was with Scully. And he hoped
 that her apartment was far far away so he could spend as much
 time as possible with her. She was amazing. He was intoxicated
 with her all over again. He just stared at her for the first few
 minutes of the drive. Then he realized he should be talking to
 her, trying to grab a chance at seeing her again. 
 
 Just tonight, his brain reminded him. Had that been bullshit all
 along? Probably.
 
 "So, um, do you go to the University?"
 
 He felt idiotic asking her a question like that. Of course he
 couldn't very well ask, do you love me yet?
 
 "Not yet, I'm starting in the fall. How about you?"
 
 "No, I just finished undergraduate at Oxford and I'm probably
 gonna start graduate work there in the fall." 
 
 He noticed the corners of her mouth twitch down. She looked a
 tiny bit disappointed that he would be gone in a couple months.
 Just a tiny bit but it was definitely a good sign.
 
 "Oxford like England?"
 
 He nodded and she looked even sadder. Maybe he'd have to
 change his plans.
 
 "So Fox Mulder, what are you studying at Oxford in England?"
 
 He fought back an overwhelming urge to kiss her. 
 
 "Psychology. How about you? What are you planning on
 majoring in?" 
 
 She bit her lip and looked slightly bothered. And very beautiful.
 Mulder was alarmed to find himself growing more and more
 aroused. Not that this was any surprise. Talking to her had
 always turned him on. More than anything ever.
 
 "I'm not really sure actually. We don't have to decide till
 sophomore year so...I dunno, I've been thinking about marine
 biology."
 
 Marine biology?? He tried to mask his surprise. He wasn't sure
 what he had expected. It wasn't like he knew very much about
 this period of her life. In fact he knew next to nothing. He
 supposed he'd always just assumed she had known what she
 wanted to do right from the start.
 
 "That's, that's really interesting. What made you decide that?"
 
 It sounded safe too. Maybe he could talk her into sticking with
 that.
 
 "I love the ocean. And I love science."
 
 She paused and considered her response. 
 
 "I haven't really decided though. Not entirely."
 
 "Well it sounds really great." 
 
 She smiled uncomfortably and he dropped it. She obviously
 didn't like talking about this much.
 
 "So, where did you grow up? England?"
 
 "No, I grew up in Massachusetts, Martha's Vineyard."
 
 "Martha's Vineyard?" 
 
 She smirked and arched her eyebrow. He could see what she
 was thinking. Pampered. Rich. Spoiled. He'd seen the look
 before. He'd forgotten what it felt like. He nodded somewhat
 guiltily.
 
 "What was that like?"
 
 "Fishy." 
 
 She smiled, thank God.
 
 "What about you Dana Scully, where did you grow up?"
 
 "Everywhere. My dad is in the navy so we traveled a lot. Before
 Maryland it was North Carolina, and before that San Francisco,
 before that I think it was Seattle. I...I can't really remember what
 was before that. Never England though."
 
 "Wow, that must have been tough."
 
 He saw a flash of sadness cross her face and just as quickly it
 was gone. 
 
 "It was fine." 
 
 Of course it was. She stared silently at the road ahead of her for
 a moment. And then the inevitable change of subject.
 
 "So, what were you doing out there anyway? I mean at the party.
 Did you follow me out there or something?" 
 
 This was not a subject he wanted to discuss. 
 
 "Pretty narcissistic of you to think that Dana Scully, wouldn't you
 say?"
 
 She looked embarrassed and he regretted the stupid comment.
 When would he stop putting his foot in his mouth?
 
 "Actually, I went out for some air. I was getting sick of the party
 as I'm sure you can understand."
 
 "Sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you of anything. I was just,
 well...I guess I was just curious," she muttered, seeming more
 embarrassed by the second. 
 
 "It's okay. I was pretty accusatory myself back there. I really had
 no right. I'm really very sorry about that. What happened
 before...it wasn't your fault. You know that right?"
 
 She nodded absently, not appearing terribly convinced.
 
 "Honestly, don't blame yourself for someone else's stupidity.
 You didn't do anything wrong," he said, stressing the you in the
 statement. 
 
 "Well, whatever. It's over. Thanks to you." 
 
 She turned to him and smiled and his heart did a flip flop. 
 
 "You sure it's over? I mean, are you gonna be okay?"
 
 "I'm fine. It was nothing. Really."
 
 Damn. She was pulling into an apartment complex. He needed
 to think fast before she was gone. Should he ask for her phone
 number? Give her his? That seemed so corny, so date like. But
 how else would he see her again? Should he even try to see her
 again? She stopped in a space near the building and undid her
 seatbelt.
 
 "Well Fox Mulder, it was nice to meet you." 
 
 He was sweating, in a total panic. Don't go Scully. Don't go.
 
 "It was nice to meet you too. I um...I guess I'll uh...see you
 around?"
 
 She nodded and reached for the car door. She started to open it
 and he sat there like a moron while his brain screamed at him to
 do something. Anything. Then she stopped. She turned back to
 him.
 
 "You know, I'm actually not that tired anymore. I mean it's still
 early and it is the 4th of July. I don't really feel like I've gotten
 my holiday's worth."
 
 This was good. This was very, very good.
 
 "Do you, um...do you feel like coming in for awhile? I think I'm
 gonna watch the fireworks from my fire escape. Not too exciting
 I know but..."
 
 "Yes!" he blurted out idiotically. Calm down boy, he admonished
 himself. Jesus. 
 
 "I mean yeah. I mean that would be really nice."
 
 She looked like she was trying not to laugh out loud. 
 
 xxxxx
 
 Scully's apartment was very neat, very pleasant. Everything was
 organized and in it's place. There were even plants. Living ones.
 And real furniture. He thought of the dump he was living in and
 cringed. 
 
 She went to her bedroom to change out of her torn clothing and
 he looked around the place a bit. He stopped at the bookshelf
 and perused her reading material. Melville, of course,
 Shakespeare, Joyce, lots of literature. Some science textbooks.
 Our Bodies Ourselves? The title jumped out at him and he
 picked it up and started leafing through the pages.
 
 It seemed to be some kind of manual for the female body. Very
 interesting. The section on masturbation seemed to be very well
 read. 
 
 "Learning anything?"
 
 He jumped about a foot in the air. 
 
 "I um...I was just ah..." 
 
 He fumbled around with the book and eventually managed to
 get it closed and back on the shelf. 
 
 "I didn't realize it was ah..."
 
 She stood in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest.
 She looked stern and serious. And not too happy with him. Then
 miraculously her face softened and she chuckled. Thank God.
 
 She was wearing a pair of black leggings and a gray sweatshirt.
 And leg warmers. Scully wore leg warmers. He felt a little less
 embarrassed when he noticed that.
 
 "Come on nosy face."
 
 She led him out to the fire escape which was surprisingly large
 and comfortable. She set up a few blankets over the rickety floor
 and there was room for both of them to stretch out and watch
 the fireworks. Not enough room for there to be more than a few
 inches between them though. It was perfect. They sat together
 for awhile in a comfortable silence looking at the lights in the
 sky. And each other.
 
 xxxxx
 
 Dana was starting to feel better and better. She had been very
 shaken by what had happened earlier but she had managed to
 put it almost completely out of her head by now. Fox Mulder was
 a comforting presence. She didn't know why but she was starting
 to like having him around. So much so that she'd taken a huge
 leap of faith and invited him in here. It certainly wasn't the
 smartest thing she'd ever done but she hadn't been able to help
 herself. It hadn't looked like he was going to ask for her number
 or anything and she'd been afraid that she'd never see him
 again. Letting him go seemed like a very sad thing to her.
 
 So now she was sitting with him on the fire escape, so close that
 she could smell him and she was starting to wonder what it
 would feel like to kiss him. 
 
 She turned to him and found that he was looking right back at
 her. They both smiled shyly and he reached between them,
 taking the small cross she wore in his hand. She looked at him
 curiously, hoping he didn't think she was some old-fashioned
 religious freak.
 
 "This is pretty. Are you very religious?"
 
 "K..kind of. I mean I was. I mean...I don't really know actually." 
 
 How did this guy know exactly what to ask to make her
 completely flustered? He smiled though, seeming to understand
 so she continued.
 
 "I was raised Catholic and I believed for most of my life but now,
 I'm just not sure anymore. I mean, sometimes I look around and
 I feel like there has to be a God because there's so much beauty
 in the world. And then other times, it seems like there's so much
 horror, how could God let it happen? And of course I can't ignore
 the conflicts between the traditional teachings of the church and
 the scientific facts that I know to be true. And politically, I find
 myself at odds with the church almost constantly. So...um, I'm
 really not sure."
 
 She finished with a chuckle. Poor guy had opened a real can of
 worms here. But still he seemed interested and understanding.
 
 "So, do you think there's an order to the universe or do you think
 things happen completely at random? I mean do you believe in
 fate?" 
 
 He looked at her pointedly and she felt another annoying tremor. 
 
 "Well Fox Mulder, I think those are two different questions. I do
 believe there's an order to the universe but the question of fate
 is an entirely separate issue."
 
 "Okay, good point. So, my question is I guess, do you believe in
 fate. Do you think there are certain things we're predestined to
 do, certain people we're predestined to meet, no matter what?"
 
 He was still holding her cross, turning it over in his fingers again
 and again. And the way he was looking at her, she was starting
 to believe in this fate he was talking about.
 
 "What exactly are you suggesting?"
 
 "I'm not suggesting anything Dana Scully. Just a simple
 question."
 
 "Well then, I'd have to say no. I don't think I believe in fate. I
 think we make our own choices and decisions and have the
 ultimate control of our destinies. I have to believe that. What's
 the point of even trying if everything's already been decided."
 
 She realized suddenly that they were both whispering. And that
 he was really, really close. 
 
 "Okay, but don't you ever feel that things are, for lack of a better
 term, in the stars for you. Hasn't anything ever happened to you
 that made you think, wow, that was fate. That was more than a
 coincidence."
 
 His eyes moved over her lips and her throat felt very dry all the
 sudden. 
 
 "Um...sometimes."
 
 Like now.
 
 "But still, ultimately I have to believe in free will. I mean..."
 
 She was interrupted by a loud crash from inside the apartment.
 He was immediately on his feet.
 
 "What the hell was that?"
 
 "I dunno."
 
 "Wait here and I'll check."
 
 He started to go inside and she followed him. 
 
 "No way, I'm coming with you."
 
 He turned to her with a mixture of annoyance and amusement.
 
 "Of course you are." 
 
 He opened the door to the apartment only to find Rebecca
 rolling around on the floor with some guy. They seemed to have
 knocked over a lamp in their activities, leading to the crash.
 
 "Steve?" 
 
 The guy got off Rebecca and turned to face Fox Mulder.
 Apparently they knew each other. 
 
 "Mulder, what are you doing here?"
 
 "What are you doing here?"
 
 Rebecca stood up and brushed herself off muttering, "I think it's
 pretty obvious what we're all doing here."
 
 She gestured at Steve and introduced him to Dana. They shook
 hands awkwardly. 
 
 "And you must be Rebecca. My name's Mulder." 
 
 The two shook hands and Dana cringed at the way Rebecca
 looked him over. She waited for him to do the same thing back
 to her but he didn't. In fact he turned back to Dana.
 
 "See Dana Scully, fate. Your roommate, my roommate, see
 what I mean?"
 
 He whispered it to her and she smiled at what she realized was
 now their private joke. She liked that.
 
 "C'mon Steve, let's leave the kiddies alone."
 
 Rebecca took his hand and led him off to her bedroom. Dana
 couldn't understand how she could just sleep with a total
 stranger like that. Not that it was a surprise. It happened all the
 time. She suddenly felt very awkward. Was that what he was
 expecting from her? Had she given him that impression just by
 inviting him in?
 
 "So, um...is that what people call you? Just Mulder?"
 
 "Yeah, usually. I'm not too fond of Fox as a name generally
 speaking."
 
 "Is that what you want me to call you?"
 
 "If you'd like. You can call me whatever you want Dana Scully."
 
 "Well, if I call you Mulder, you've gotta call me Scully. Gender
 equality and all that."
 
 For some unknown reason this caused him to beam at her.
 
 "I can deal with that."
 
 end part 4
 
  >>

Title: Eleventh Hour (5/11)
 Author: Rachel Anton
 E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating: NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 
 July 17, 1982
 
 I haven't kept a journal in years. When I was twelve I had one.
 Bill stole it and showed it to his friends. That was the last time.
 Even now I feel some anxiety about putting my deepest feelings
 down on paper, leaving evidence of what's inside me. But
 there's really no one who would bother stealing it now. And there
 is certainly no one I can truly talk to about this. No one who
 could ever understand. And I need to talk about it. I need to
 admit it, if only to myself.
 
 I'm in love. Wow. It sounds as stupid as I thought it would.
 Stupid but true. I am in love and it makes absolutely no sense.
 
 I met Mulder less than a month ago. We've never kissed, never
 even hugged, and yet I my love for him fills every moment of
 my being. The first night I met him, we spent hours talking. Just
 talking about everything and nothing, watching the sunrise from
 the fire escape, catching eyes, smiling at each other. When that
 night was over I knew, I love him. 
 
 We've spent almost every single day together since then. We've
 been going to the movies, the park, for long walks and long
 talks. Sometimes we just stay at my apartment and watch TV
 and talk all night. 
 
 I've never had a friend like this. I've never known anyone who I
 could share my quiet time with like this. And he actually enjoys
 it. He's not thinking about partying and who he's going to have
 sex with next constantly. He's thinking about philosophy and
 science and art and religion and...well everything! He's the
 smartest person I've ever known. 
 
 And he doesn't just talk endlessly like most semi intelligent guys.
 He doesn't try to impress me with his huge vocabulary and
 knowledge of micro biology. He listens to me, really listens. Not
 just like a nodding idiot. And I can tell he's really listening
 because sometimes he will challenge something I've said, and
 we'll have a an argument, or a debate, and it's fun. It's actually
 fun. 
 
 I've never enjoyed arguing with people before. I hate the
 conflict, the inevitable animosity. But with Mulder it's different.
 His ideas are so unusual, so different from mine, that it's
 exciting, invigorating to talk to him. Sometimes he teaches me
 and sometimes I teach him, but either way, we never walk away
 angry. 
 
 Rebecca can't stand him. She thinks he's dark and disturbed.
 She just doesn't understand his sense of humor. She doesn't
 understand anything about him. She thinks he is strange and
 bad for me. I don't care. I don't care what anyone thinks. He is
 wonderful. He is caring, sweet, funny, gorgeous, brilliant, and
 the best part is he has no idea that he is any of those things.
 Well, maybe he knows he's brilliant, he can be a tad arrogant
 about his mind. But he is adorably self conscious about
 EVERYTHING else. 
 
 He makes me feel like there is no one in the world but the two of
 us. We can be in a room full of people and he will look at no one
 but me, talk directly to no one but me. He makes me feel special
 and loved just by being around him. 
 
 Of course, I have no idea if I am loved. I don't know if he sees
 me as a good buddy, someone to hang out with for the summer,
 or if there is more. Sometimes he will touch me a certain way,
 throw a veiled suggestion at me, but he never follows through. I
 can never tell if he is serious or just kidding around with me. I
 would like to find out.
 
 He's leaving for England in two months and I need to know how
 he feels before he goes. I need to know if I will ever see him
 again. God, it kills me to think that I might not. It's ridiculous.
 I've known him two weeks and I feel like I can't live without him.
 Stupid stupid stupid. I keep telling myself he's just a guy, don't
 get hooked, don't get hurt, and I'm trying, really I am. But I trust
 him. With my heart even. How can that be?
 
 I have to stop writing now because he's on his way to pick me
 up. We're going into DC to look at the monuments at night. This
 is the kind of thing he actually likes to do. Unbelievable.
 
 xxxxx
 
 Mulder was happy. Happier than he could ever remember being.
 There had been times with Scully when he had been happy but
 they were fleeting. They never lasted. There was always some
 crisis or another to interrupt their few moments of peace. This
 was the longest stretch of uninterrupted happiness he'd ever
 had.
 
 He'd spent nearly every day with her for the past two weeks and
 they got closer every time he saw her. She was a little different
 because she was so young but her essence was the same.
 Beautiful, brilliant, and exciting as hell. The fact that he'd been
 able to gain her friendship and trust again was the best gift he
 could have ever received.
 
 He was so happy, he almost felt guilty. There were so many
 things he hadn't told her about his family, his past, everything.
 he hadn't wanted to burden her with his troubles, the way he had
 the first time around. He'd wanted to get to know her as a
 person, to make up for his selfishness, but it didn't seem honest
 somehow. She'd told him so much about herself and he'd told
 her virtually nothing. 
 
 He had started thinking about that when his mother had called.
 She wanted him to come up for a visit. Just thinking about it
 brought up a million and one unresolved issues. His father was
 still alive in 1982. There was so much that needed to be dealt
 with differently. He wanted to share it with Scully.
 
 Worse than those omissions though, Mulder was beginning to
 feel very odd about not telling Scully how he had come to be
 here. He wanted to tell her about their past, or future, or
 whatever it was, together. Not that she was likely to believe him.
 But he felt like he was lying to her by not telling her. He knew he
 couldn't live with that for much longer.
 
 That would mean telling her about her abduction, her death, a
 lot of horrible things. He didn't want to scare her. He didn't want
 to make her think he was a lunatic either. His worst fear was that
 he would tell her these things and she would never want to see
 him again. 
 
 He put these concerns temporarily out of his head as he drove
 them across the beltway and into the city. He was having trouble
 concentrating on anything but her at the moment. She was
 wearing tighter jeans than usual. She usually wore very baggy
 clothes and he had suggested to her a few days ago, in a way he
 hoped hadn't made him sound like a pig, that she might wanna
 wear something that showed off her body a little more. She had
 looked embarrassed at the time and asked what there was to
 show off. Lots had been his answer and she seemed to have
 listened.
 
 And her hair. She'd tied her flowing tresses into two braids
 hanging down either side of her face. Pigtails. They made her
 look even younger than usual but they were adorable. And he
 could actually see her face for once.
 
 He reached between them and took one of them in his hand.
 She turned to him and her face was flushed. Was she
 embarrassed or excited by his touch? She was still such a riddle. 
 
 "They look stupid right?"
 
 "No. They're cute."
 
 She grimaced.
 
 "Cute is stupid."
 
 "No, cute is cute. I like them. You look really pretty."
 
 She smiled and blushed again. He pulled his hand away when
 he realized he was getting an erection. Don't wanna go there, he
 warned himself for the millionth time. She was so young, the last
 thing she needed was to be corrupted by his perverted desires.
 He'd been trying, Lord how he had been trying not to feel them
 at all. But she was so damned hot. She was Scully for Christ's
 sake. And he was twenty-one years old again, hormones running
 wild through his body. He couldn't avoid thinking about it. But he
 would control himself. He had to. It just wouldn't be right. Not
 now. Not yet. 
 
 xxxxx
 
 Scully sighed to herself. Why did he always do that? He would
 touch her, say something sweet and then randomly and
 suddenly pull away from her. She'd been waiting for the day he
 didn't pull away for a long time. The day he took her face in his
 hands and kissed her. Her patience was running out. They didn't
 have all that much time together and she was starting to think
 she needed to be the one to make that day happen. The thought
 terrified her but she didn't know how much longer she could go
 on like this, not knowing.
 
 Mulder found a parking space close to the monuments and they
 started walking around the city. It was so beautiful at night. She
 stared at the lights from the buildings and he stared at the sky.
 They walked side by side and she was struck by an
 overwhelming urge to take his hand in hers. She jammed her
 fists deep into her pockets, trying to suppress the desire. 
 
 When they reached the Jefferson Memorial he turned to her.
 
 "My mother called me today."
 
 She looked at him questioningly. He'd never mentioned his
 mother other than telling her his parents were divorced.
 
 "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
 
 "Not sure. She wants me to come and visit her."
 
 She felt instantly territorial. If he went to the vineyard he would
 be away from her, possibly for days. 
 
 "Are you going to go?"
 
 "Probably. Probably next weekend."
 
 Scully tried to hide her disappointment.
 
 "What's she like?"
 
 "Um..."
 
 Mulder gazed towards the sky, seeming to search for an
 appropriate adjective.
 
 "Fragile, she's fragile."
 
 Fragile? Scully couldn't imagine having a fragile mother. 
 
 "How come?"
 
 He shrugged and fiddled with the fabric at the bottom of his
 T-shirt. Mulder didn't talk about his family very often and she
 hadn't asked but she'd always been curious, and somewhat
 concerned for some reason. 
 
 "She's had kind of a rough time. Scully...there's some stuff I
 haven't told you about. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you
 to worry or be upset for me because it's not such a big deal
 anymore. I mean I'm over it but..."
 
 "But what?"
 
 She was suddenly terrified.
 
 "But it's part of who I am and I need you to know about it."
 
 She gestured for him to sit next to her on the steps and he did.
 And then he started talking. She didn't interrupt, just listened to
 his story. And what a story it was. A story of a missing sister and
 a bitter father, of emotional neglect, verbal abuse, nights when
 his father would get so drunk he didn't know what he was doing,
 nights when he would hit his terrified son and his helpless wife,
 the guilt Mulder had felt for letting his sister go. It was the
 saddest thing she had ever heard. She knew he wasn't looking
 for her pity, he was telling her because it was his life, it helped
 make him the person he was. He didn't want her to feel bad for
 him. But she did and it made her cry.
 
 He reached over and wiped the tears that were flowing freely
 down her cheeks.
 
 "No Scully, don't cry. Please don't cry. It's okay."
 
 "It's not okay Mulder. It's not. It's terrible. I'm so sorry. I can't
 even imagine what that must have been like."
 
 She really couldn't. Her own family was far from perfect. There
 were times when she'd hated all of her siblings and her father
 was a stern authoritarian figure who dolled out love and
 approval like table scraps, but she had never endured anything
 like this. No one had ever put her down the way Mulder's father
 had done to him. And as much as her brothers and sister
 annoyed her, she couldn't imagine the pain and guilt she would
 have felt if one of them had vanished mysteriously. 
 
 She took one of his hands tightly in her own.
 
 "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
 
 He flashed her a toothy grin. He honestly didn't seem that upset
 about it. 
 
 "It's okay Scully. Really, it is." 
 
 "Okay, but if you ever want to talk about it, don't hesitate. I'll be
 here."
 
 He squeezed her hand in acknowledgment and started to pull
 away. She wouldn't let go. Not this time. She pulled back. Then
 she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. His eyes
 squeezed shut and she took the opportunity to kiss his eyelids.
 She moved on slowly to his forehead, and then his chin. He was
 trembling and seemed to be holding his breath. 
 
 She was so close to his mouth. She paused for a moment to
 admire the glistening moisture, the fullness of his lower lip. She
 had to do this. She just had to. 
 
 She took a deep breath and nervously touched her mouth to his.
 She pressed gently and for a moment got no response from him
 whatsoever. Then suddenly it was as if the floodgates inside him
 came crashing open. He captured her lips and kissed her with an
 overwhelming passion, a passion she'd never known in her life. 
 
 He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly
 against him. He moaned against her and his tongue plunged
 hungrily into her mouth. She began to feel a little dizzy. She'd
 never been kissed like this, never felt anything like this. It was
 just a kiss but it was the most emotionally fulfilling, sexually
 thrilling moment of her life. She was tingling everywhere. She
 was more aroused than she had ever been before. Her heart
 was pounding so loud and so fast, it was all she could hear.
 
 His hand slipped under her shirt and he started stroking her
 stomach lightly. His touch felt like fire against her bare skin. How
 could anything feel so good? She actually cried out into his
 mouth from the sensation.
 
 She never, ever wanted this kiss to end.
 
 xxxxx
 
 He was kissing Scully. Actually kissing her. God help him, he
 couldn't stop. It was too good. Too much. There were reasons
 he shouldn't be doing this but for the life of him he couldn't
 remember what they were. She tasted so sweet. And the sounds
 she was making, the way she was writhing around in his arms,
 were making him absolutely crazy. She was horny as hell. And it
 was making him hot. Too hot. 
 
 The angle they were at was becoming a little awkward so she
 climbed into his lap, he supposed so she could reach his mouth
 better. It was too much. 
 
 He gasped as her bottom made contact with the erection
 straining against his pants. This was bad. But God it was good. 
 
 And very, very bad. He was going to end up fucking her on the
 steps of the Jefferson Memorial in front of a group of Japanese
 tourists if they didn't stop soon. People were already starting to
 stare.
 
 He tore his mouth reluctantly away to try and speak to her. 
 
 "Scully..."
 
 She ground against him and he buried his face in the crook of
 her neck, biting the skin there to keep from screaming. She
 grabbed the back of his head and pressed in the direction of her
 breasts.
 
 No. This had to stop. Jesus, it had to stop right now.
 
 "Scully."
 
 He pulled his head from her grasp and looked at her face. Her
 skin was red with flush and her lips were parted. She was
 panting. Christ, she was panting. Her eyes were as wild as he
 felt. 
 
 "Scully, we can't...this...here...I..."
 
 She laughed breathlessly.
 
 "No, I guess we can't. You wanna get out of here Mulder?
 Maybe go back to my apartment?" 
 
 She stroked his face and gave him a look he'd been waiting for
 from her for a million years. 
 
 "Um, Scully..." 
 
 He had no idea how much further she wanted to take this. And
 he knew he couldn't turn her down, no matter how far that was,
 no matter how wrong it was.
 
 "Mulder, I want you. I want to be with you. I want you to make
 love to me."
 
 "Oh...Scully. God." 
 
 She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Do you want that
 Mulder? Do you want me?"
 
 He wondered how she could even ask. The evidence of his want
 was pressing into her backside.
 
 "I wa...yes. I want that. I want you. Scully. I want you so much.
 But I think...."
 
 What did he think? He couldn't tell her that she was too young
 for him, that it wasn't their time yet, that he was a pervert for
 even kissing her in the first place. She wouldn't understand that.
 She would think he was rejecting her. 
 
 But he couldn't take advantage of her in this state. It was
 probably just overworked teen-aged hormones at work. He
 needed to give her a chance to cool down, to think about it
 rationally, and God knew he needed a chance to do that.
 
 "I think maybe we should think about it some Scully. Talk about
 it some."
 
 "Talk?" she muttered, starting to place delicate kisses on his
 neck.
 
 "Y...yeah, you know...um, make sure that it's really what you
 wa..." he broke off into a moan as she shifted against him and
 licked the sensitive spot behind his ear. She sure wasn't making
 this easy. 
 
 "It's what I want," she whispered into his ear.
 
 "Scully, you th...think it is bu..."
 
 "I don't think. I know."
 
 She ran her fingers over his biceps and under the sleeves of his
 shirt and started kissing his neck more aggressively, licking him
 and biting. His hands squeezed at her waist involuntarily and he
 groaned in frustration. 
 
 "We...we've gotta um, go...away..."
 
 A group of teenage girls walked past them on the steps, giggling
 and Mulder thought he saw a woman covering her little boy's
 eyes. They really were making a scene here and it was only
 bound to get worse.
 
 "Sc...Scully, gotta go..." 
 
 She interrupted him with another kiss and he lost himself in it,
 forgetting where they were and who he was for a blessed
 moment. 
 
 He realized there was only one way he was going to get her off
 these damn steps. He stood up and carried her down. 
 
 He ignored her muffled protests and the stares of the tourists
 and took her all the way back to the sidewalk. Then he placed
 her down on her feet next to him. 
 
 She looked at him questioningly.
 
 "We've gotta go Scully."
 
 "To my apartment then?" her tongue darted out to moisten her
 lips and he almost groaned again. 
 
 "I dunno, we need...you need...we should think about it a little."
 
 He couldn't miss the disappointed look in her eyes, the pout on
 her mouth. It made him want to sob. He was letting her down
 again. But in the long run, it would be better for her. 
 
 They walked through the city and he tried not to touch her, tried
 not to look at her. Tried to ignore the throbbing need between
 his legs. He couldn't do this. It wouldn't be right. The more he
 thought about it the more he knew it to be true. She had only
 known him a couple of weeks. There was no way she could have
 fallen in love with him in such a short time and he wouldn't feel
 right about being with her this way unless he knew that she
 loved him. She was young and he was a new, exciting person in
 her life. That was why she wanted this and he refused to take
 advantage of that. Even though he wanted her more than
 anything in the world. It wasn't fair to her. Besides that, getting
 involved with him romantically was bound to hurt her in the long
 run. That's why he had avoided it the first time around. 
 
 He ran through the arguments as they walked in the futile not
 horny attempt. They made sense. They were logical and
 appropriate. But they didn't make her look any less alluring in
 her tight jeans and tank top and cute little pig tails, they didn't
 make all the blood in his body stop rushing directly to his cock
 when he stood near her, they didn't make him love her any less
 than he always had and, in the long run, they wouldn't be able to
 keep him away. Unless she stopped wanting him. 
 
 Either way, he needed to give her time to decide that this was
 what she wanted. Or didn't want. It was too soon. She needed
 time.
 
 end part 5
 
  >>

 Title: Eleventh Hour (6/11)
 Author: Rachel Anton
 E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating: NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 
 Scully was also thinking about time. Wasting time. That's what
 they were doing, walking around, trying not to want each other.
 And for what purpose? She wasn't about to change her mind. 
 
 She had thought about this. She had thought about it long and
 hard. It wasn't a decision she took lightly. She'd been waiting for
 this. Waiting for the right man and the right time and she was
 sure now that this was it. 
 
 It was strange, she had said no to so many boys. Boys she had
 known for a much longer time than Mulder. But she hadn't loved
 those boys. She hadn't been sure. She hadn't felt the
 connection. With anyone else, ever.
 
 That connection was strong enough to make her utter a
 statement she'd never thought herself capable of making. 
 
 "I want you to make love to me."
 
 God, she had actually said that. With anyone else she would
 have been too embarrassed to ever say those words. She was
 simultaneously thrilled and frightened that he had driven her to
 that. 
 
 By the time they reached Mulder's car she was even more
 convinced that this was right. She needed to let him know how
 she felt. That would convince him. If he knew she loved him, he
 would be okay with this, he would know it was really what she
 wanted. And maybe, just maybe, he would say it back to her. 
 
 She was absolutely petrified. She'd never said those words to
 anyone but her mother and sister. And she'd been certain they
 would say it right back. 
 
 She had a strong sense that Mulder did love her. How could any
 man kiss her like that and not love her? But whether he would
 say it was another issue. 
 
 They sat in the car together for a moment in silence. They were
 alone now. Alone in a dark car. She could hear him breathing.
 She could smell him. She could almost smell her own arousal.
 He sat in the driver's seat saying and doing nothing, just staring
 out the window and into space. 
 
 "Mulder?"
 
 "Sorry. I was just thinking."
 
 He turned the key to start the engine but she reached over to
 stop him. 
 
 "It's all right. Don't go yet. There's something...I've gotta...I need
 to tell you something."
 
 "Scully..."
 
 "It's important Mulder. I need to tell you." 
 
 He bit his lower lip and continued to stare out the window. He
 seemed nervous. Even more so. 
 
 "Mulder I know this is strange. I know that you're not supposed
 to feel this way so soon after meeting each other. But I can't
 help it. I just feel this connection to you and it's so strong. I just
 can't ignore it. And I..."
 
 "Scully please!" 
 
 He looked like he was in pain. He sounded on the verge of tears.
 And he still wasn't looking at her.
 
 He knew what was coming. It was obvious that he didn't want to
 hear it. But she couldn't stop now, not when she was so close.
 
 "I just want you to know that..."
 
 "Scully. Don't." 
 
 He sounded positively frantic, desperate for her to stop.
 
 "I love you Mulder. I just...I just love you."
 
 She let out the deep breath she'd been holding and turned to
 him. He squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his head into the
 back of the seat. Not exactly the response she'd been hoping
 for. He looked more miserable than she'd ever seen him. He
 didn't love her. What had she done? God what kind of fool had
 she just made of herself? Throwing herself at her only real
 friend, telling him she loved him. He probably never wanted to
 see her again. 
 
 He was silent for a long time and she continued to berate herself
 mentally. What a fool she was, what a total moron. She had
 ruined everything. Why had she even kissed him? 
 
 She felt tears welling inside her after a few more minutes of
 silence and was about ready to ask him to just drop her off at
 home as quickly as possible. She wouldn't cry in front of him.
 She wouldn't let him see what he was doing to her.
 
 "Scully, you don't." 
 
 What? She couldn't have heard that right. He couldn't have
 possibly said that. But he had, and he finally opened his eyes,
 faced her and continued.
 
 "You think you do, maybe you want to, but you don't. Not really.
 You don't really know me Scully. Not all of me. Not the bad
 stuff, just the stuff I've let you see. You don't know the kind of
 person I can be, who I really am."
 
 Her total despair was rapidly being replaced by overwhelming
 anger as he spoke. Her chest tightened and she felt like she
 might actually strike him. How dare he? How dare he question
 her feelings, presume to know how she felt better than she did?
 How DARE he?
 
 "You son of a bitch," she growled through clenched teeth. 
 
 "What?"
 
 "I open myself up to you, tell you something I've never told
 anyone before in my entire life, lay my heart on the table for you
 to cut to pieces, give you every ounce of trust I have and all you
 can do is sit there like a jack ass and tell me I'm wrong, that I
 don't know how I feel. What do you think I am? Some kind of
 fucking kid? Fuck you!"
 
 She was crying now. Stupid bastard had made her cry again.
 She couldn't remember ever yelling at someone like that. It was
 supposed to make her feel better but it only made her feel a
 hundred times worse.
 
 "No, Scully, I don't think that. I just don't think..."
 
 He reached out his hand to touch her face and she swatted it
 away.
 
 "Fuck you! I don't care what you think. Do you have any idea
 how hard that was for me? Fuck you."
 
 "I have some idea. Scully...please..."
 
 "Please what?"
 
 He just looked at her with that stupid expression. 
 
 "Please what damn you!" 
 
 "I...uhmm."
 
 He reminded her of a deer caught in the headlights. Total panic.
 His mouth hanging open and his eyes wide with terror. She
 would show him. She had to show him. He was wrong, not her.
 
 "You think I don't know what I feel? You think I don't know what
 I'm talking about? I'll show you how I feel you self-righteous little
 shit."
 
 She took his face in her hands, ran her nails up into his scalp
 and dug deep into the flesh, and she kissed him. Again. God
 help her. She didn't know what the hell was making her do this
 but something told her it was the only way. 
 
 She kissed him with all the anger and all the love she had in her.
 She pried his lips apart with her tongue and with a helpless
 whimper he let her in. Their tongues met in a dance of fury and
 need. Their tears fell and mingled in each others mouths. 
 
 She climbed aggressively onto him for the second time and
 straddled him in the seat. He was hard again and she ground
 into him wantonly causing them both to gasp. His hands groped
 in the air blindly before clutching the back of her shirt. The
 sound of sniffling and panting and moaning filled the car.
 
 She felt his tongue touch the back of her throat and she knew
 that she had him. She pulled back then, breaking the kiss and
 leaving him open mouthed and breathless. 
 
 "So. What do you think of that?" she asked, surprised that she
 could still speak at this point.
 
 "I...huumm...Scully..."
 
 "Do you still think I'm wrong? Do you think I could kiss you like
 that if I didn't love you? Even after what you just did?"
 
 His mouth opened and closed wordlessly. She grabbed the
 collar of his shirt and pulled on it violently.
 
 "Do you? Answer me!" 
 
 "I...I dunno Scully." 
 
 Damn him. Damn him to hell. She was starting to hate him. 
 
 He gave her a goofy grin and spoke again. "I...I do know one
 thing though. I don't think you would've called me a
 self-righteous little shit if you didn't love me."
 
 Jesus H. Christ. He really was fucked in the head. She knew
 that. And she loved him. She didn't care. 
 
 She kissed him again.
 
 xxxxx
 
 Mulder was not generally the most sane individual. But he was
 certain that by now, he was certifiable. Again. 
 
 She wanted to have him, right here in the car. She was rocking
 against him almost constantly now in a way that was going to
 make him embarrass himself damn soon if she didn't stop. She
 was kissing him again with that amazing, talented mouth of hers
 and running her hands all over his chest and arms. And he was
 about ready to shoot himself in the head.
 
 If he had to pry her squirming little body away from him one
 more time it was going to drive him over the edge. She was
 making him crazy. 
 
 She loved him. She really did. He didn't doubt that for a second
 anymore. He'd never seen Scully lose it like that about anything.
 Somehow, she had fallen in love with him. Somehow he had
 accomplished in two weeks what he had spent nearly ten years
 trying to do. And it was too much for his resolve to withstand.
 She loved him. She wanted to make love to him. Who the hell
 was he to refuse her anymore? He was only hurting her by
 denying her what she seemed to want so badly. And he had
 vowed never to see her hurt again.
 
 But this wasn't the place for it. Not for Scully. Not in a car in the
 middle of downtown DC. Not with her back pressed into the
 steering wheel and her leg crushed between him and the door. It
 needed to be right. It needed to be special. 
 
 He felt her hands at his waist, pulling frantically at the bottom of
 his shirt, and he grabbed them. 
 
 "MmmScully...no..."
 
 "What? What the hell Mulder?" 
 
 "We..it's...we have to go." 
 
 He wondered how many times they were going to be forced to
 repeat this little scene tonight. 
 
 "Mulder, no. I want you now." 
 
 She tried to pull her wrists out of his grip but he refused to let
 her go. God only knew where she was going to try to touch him
 next. 
 
 "Mulder what is your problem?"
 
 She looked like she was getting angry and upset again. 
 
 "I just...I want...I..."
 
 She was still moving on top of him and he was finding it difficult
 to speak at all, let alone turn her down again. 
 
 "What Mulder? Tell me what you want. I'll do it. I'll do anything."
 
 Jesus.
 
 "Nice. Want it to be nice. Comfortable. Private, Scully."  
 
 "Mmm...this is nice..." she mumbled into his neck as she started
 kissing him there again. 
 
 "N...not...oohh...God...n...nice...e..nough."
 
 He pushed her backwards by her arms and into the steering
 wheel.
 
 "Please. Scully...please. Lemme take you home," he panted
 breathlessly.
 
 She took a deep breath and let it out. 
 
 "Mulder, you are too much of a gentleman for your own damned
 good."
 
 xxxxx
 
 As they drove back to her apartment, Mulder prayed that he
 wouldn't get pulled over. He was driving at almost twice the
 legal speed limit. His fingers were trembling on the steering
 wheel. He felt like his entire body was throbbing with need. He
 couldn't even bear to look over at her. Every time he did she
 gave him a secret, dirty smile and his fingers twitched anxiously,
 ready to drive the car into a ditch just to be able to touch her
 again. 
 
 He dared to meet her eyes and almost veered off into a tree.
 She was so beautiful.
 
 He was going to take her home and make love to her. To Scully.
 He was going to make love to Scully. Scully wanted him. Scully
 loved him. It made him ache.
 
 "Mulder?"
 
 "Hum?" 
 
 He was afraid. What was she going to say now? What was she
 going to do to him next? She was just full of surprises tonight. 
 
 "There's um...something I haven't told you. Something you
 should probably know before we do this."
 
 He risked another look at her. She looked troubled and nervous. 
 
 "What is it Scully?"
 
 She sighed and looked away from him.
 
 "I dunno how you're gonna feel about this Mulder."
 
 He couldn't think of a thing in the world that she could possibly
 tell him to make him feel any differently about her. Not one
 single thing. He reached between them and took her hand. He
 intertwined his fingers with hers on top of her thigh. Her thigh
 was warm.
 
 "Scully, it'll be fine. Whatever it is." 
 
 She bit her lip and squeezed his hand.
 
 "Mulder I'm kind of...um...not really very experienced with this. I
 mean...I'm uh, I'm kind of a virgin."
 
 Oh shit. Oh Jesus.
 
 He glanced quickly at her again. She was blushing and staring
 out the window.
 
 A virgin? 
 
 He had thought she might be before tonight but the way she'd
 been acting earlier, so aggressive and...sexual, it didn't even
 seem possible. Then he realized, that was for him. That was
 because of him. She'd obviously never been like that with
 anyone else before because if she had she sure as hell wouldn't
 be a virgin anymore. Any other man probably would have fucked
 her back at the monument for Christ's sake. 
 
 This was all for him. She wanted to give him her virginity. It
 made him happy enough to cry. It turned him on impossibly
 more. But how could he take that from her?
 
 "And I'm...I'm not just talking normal virginity here Mulder. I
 mean I've never...the most I've ever done is give a guy a hand
 job and that was only a couple times. I've never..."
 
 She swallowed loud enough for him to hear it. Her palm was
 slick with sweat.
 
 "I've never even had an orgasm Mulder," she whispered.
 
 God. Oh God. Why was this making him so hot? What the fuck
 was wrong with him? This wasn't right. Not at all. 
 
 Never had an orgasm? He found the thought almost
 inconceivable.
 
 "Scully..." His voice was unnaturally high pitched. He cleared his
 throat and tried again.
 
 "Scully...I don't...I think...um, maybe this isn't the best idea. I
 mean, maybe we shouldn't really do this..."
 
 Her hand slipped out of his and he saw a tear trail down her
 cheek. Her lower lip was trembling. Dammit. Goddammit! How
 many times had he made her cry tonight? It had to be a fucking
 world's record of stupidity. 
 
 "Scully..."
 
 "Sure Mulder. Whatever. I get it. You don't wanna do it with a
 stupid virgin. It's okay. That's why I told you in the first place, so
 you could get out of it if you..."
 
 Her voice cracked and she turned completely away from him
 towards the passenger side window. 
 
 "Scully, no. That's...God, that's not it. Not at all. Jesus, don't you
 realize what an attractive quality that is?" 
 
 He groped around for her hand in the dark but she had taken it
 completely away. Why did he have to hurt her all the time?
 When would it finally be enough?
 
 "Attractive," she snorted. "Right, so what's the problem then?"
 
 "The problem..."
 
 He lifted his hand to stroke what he could reach of her face and
 she jerked away.
 
 "Scully, the problem is that I don't want to take something from
 you that you might not be ready to give. I just want you to be
 sure. I just..."
 
 "Dammit Mulder!"
 
 She turned back to him finally.
 
 "I AM sure. Why do you have to second guess me like that? I'm
 sure Mulder. This isn't something I take lightly. I've thought
 about this a lot and I want it to be you. Why is this all so hard for
 you to accept Mulder? I'm not a child!"
 
 "I...I know that Scully. Look, if, if you want this then so do I but,
 all I'm saying is we can take it a little slow. I mean, we don't
 have to do everything tonight."
 
 "So...so you still wanna be with me then?"
 
 The way she asked him that broke his heart. 
 
 "Of course I do Scully, of course. I just, like I said, I just think it's
 okay to take it slow. I mean, there are lots of ways to make love
 Scully. Lots and lots of ways."
 
 She slipped her hand back in his and he felt right again.
 
 "I want you to show me all of them Mulder. I want you to show
 me everything."
 
 His foot twitched harder on the accelerator. He was going to
 come in his pants if they didn't get home soon. 
 
 "Mulder, how many women have you been with?"
 
 God, he didn't even know how to begin answering that question.
 Who should he include? Only those before 1982 or everyone?
 Before 1982 was a very short list. Amy from his first year at
 Oxford and Phoebe. But was it entirely honest to tell her that it
 was just those two? 
 
 "Um...two."
 
 Not entirely honest but probably less frightening to her than the
 actual number. It was close enough for now.
 
 "Two? Really? That's all?"
 
 "Y...yeah."
 
 "That's not very many."
 
 "Um..." he shrugged and laughed nervously.
 
 "No, I mean that's okay. I mean it's good really. It's just fewer
 than I thought. But I'm glad. I...I wouldn't want you to be too
 experienced or anything. I mean I...I wouldn't want to have too
 much to measure up to or anything."
 
 "Scully, I promise you, you have nothing to worry about.
 Nothing. No one has ever been as special to me as you."
 
 That was something he could say in complete honesty, no
 matter what the situation.
 
 "Well, I just hope I don't disappoint you."
 
 "Oh, Scully," he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers
 lightly.
 
 "You never could. Never."
 
 end part 6
 
Scully could hardly believe it when they finally made it back to
 her apartment and Mulder didn't try to flee again. She was not
 used to this. Not at all. 
 
 Every guy she'd ever been involved with had pressured her to
 do this. She had never even kissed a man without him
 expecting, sometimes demanding, more. She had never been in
 a situation like this in her life. She had thrown herself at Mulder
 in a way she'd never thought herself capable of. She wanted him
 more than she'd ever considered it possible to want anything.
 And he had fought her every step of the way. Getting him to her
 bed had been like pulling teeth. 
 
 She was trying not to take it personally. He really did seem to
 want her back. But for some reason which she could not fathom,
 he didn't seem to think himself worthy of her. He didn't seem to
 understand how she could possibly love him. It was frustrating
 and infuriating and very, very sad. 
 
 Now that he was here, lying in her bed next to her, she vowed to
 show him once and for all that she could, and in fact did, love
 him more than life itself. 
 
 He touched and kissed her with a tenderness that made her
 ache inside as they lay together. She'd never been handled with
 such care, such gentleness. She'd never felt so comfortable and
 at ease making out with a guy. She'd also never been so turned
 on in her life.
 
 The light kisses he was planting on her lips, her face, her neck,
 were driving her absolutely crazy. She wanted more. She felt a
 little reluctant about pushing though. She didn't want him to think
 she was some kind of sex-starved lunatic. She'd already
 attacked him twice.
 
 But if he didn't get naked soon she was sure she would die.
 
 His hands were stroking her sides lightly and she took one of
 them in her own and led it to her breast, feeling self-conscious
 but needing the touch too badly to stop. They both moaned as
 he ran his fingers over her hardened nipple through her shirt and
 she threw her head back, thrusting her chest at him. He seemed
 to take the hint for a change and brought both his hands to her
 breasts. He ran his thumbs over her nipples with increasing
 pressure as he licked and nipped at her throat and she threw her
 leg over his hip, pulling his lower body closer to hers. 
 
 Finally, his hands moved down and started tugging at the
 bottom of her shirt. He pulled his head back and looked at her.
 He was bright red and breathing as heavily as she was. Yeah,
 he wanted her back all right.
 
 "Scully if...if you wanna stop, I mean any time, let me know
 okay?"
 
 Stop? Right. 
 
 "Don't stop Mulder. Please don't stop." 
 
 She lifted her arms encouragingly and he pulled the tank top off
 her. He gazed at her for a moment and she started pulling at his
 shirt.
 
 "You too."
 
 He smiled and tossed his T-shirt to the floor.
 
 God he was beautiful. His upper body was amazing. Perfect.
 Large, powerful arms, muscular but not to the point of obscenity.
 A hard, well defined chest with just the right amount of hair.
 Solid abs. Inny belly button.
 
 She wanted to touch everything. She wanted to lick him
 everywhere. 
 
 She ran her hands possessively over his flesh, wanting to stake
 a claim. He shivered at the needy way she touched him.
 
 Her eyes drifted lower, to the bulge in his jeans. She wanted to
 touch that too. She ran her fingers lightly over him and he shut
 his eyes and groaned. It was such an amazing sound, so
 awe-inspiring to think that she could create such a sound in him. 
 
 She buried her face in his chest, tasting the heat of his skin, and
 started unbuttoning the top of his jeans.
 
 His hands clasped around her wrists tightly and she looked up,
 startled. He pulled her hands away from him and placed them
 on the pillow next to her head.
 
 "Not yet baby, not yet," he mumbled. 
 
 Baby. He called her baby. She almost felt faint hearing his
 gravely, soft voice calling her that.
 
 She lay flat on her back and he leaned over her kissing and
 stroking her arms and her neck. He ran his tongue down her
 neck and traced the line of her bra until his face was buried in
 her cleavage. He made a muffled grunting sound and she
 giggled. Then he licked her nipple through the silk of her bra and
 the giggle turned into a sigh. When the lick became a light nip,
 the sigh became a sharp gasp. She twined her fingers in his hair
 and pressed his face against her. Encouraged, he bit down hard
 and sucked her through the material. She moaned and her legs
 shifted against each other.
 
 "You like it?" he asked, looking up at her.
 
 "Mmmmyeah."
 
 "Tell me if I do anything you don't like okay?"
 
 She nodded enthusiastically, just wanting him to get back to
 what he'd been doing. He reached between them to undo the
 clasp between her breasts and she noticed that his hands were
 trembling. He could barely get a grip on the tiny piece of plastic.
 He grinned at her sheepishly and she smiled. He was scared.
 That made her feel even more at ease for some reason. She
 was safe here. And wanted. 
 
 He finally managed to undo the clasp and he pulled back the
 bra. She slipped out of the straps and tossed it to the side. She
 lay completely bared to him. With the lights on. She didn't think
 anyone had ever seen her like this. Guys had felt her up before
 but always in the dark, usually in a car. No man had ever stared
 openly at her breasts the way Mulder was doing now. She felt a
 blush creeping into her skin under his eyes. She wondered how
 many breasts he had seen, if hers were okay.
 
 "Scully, you are so beautiful."
 
 She looked into his eyes and saw that they were starting to get
 watery. He was crying. Before she could think about what that
 might possibly mean his mouth was covering her nipple again
 and she convulsed against him. He pulled her into his mouth
 and suckled and licked at her with his incredible lips and his
 strong tongue and she felt a strange burning sensation through
 her whole body. She felt like her whole body was on fire.
 
 She pulled at him and he rolled over on top of her. She spread
 her legs and took him between them. They were both still in
 jeans but she could feel the hardness of him pressing against
 her and it made her whimper. 
 
 He caught her mouth in a scorching kiss that made her feel even
 weaker and she pressed herself tightly against him. He was so
 big, his body covered her completely. She felt engulfed by him,
 overwhelmed by his bulk, his smell, his Mulderness. 
 
 He ground his hips down into her and filled her mouth with his
 tongue. He was everywhere and it felt so damned good. She
 couldn't even believe it. 
 
 This was usually the point where she became utterly terrified
 and told the guy it was time to go home. But she didn't want
 Mulder to go home. She thought if he even tried to leave now
 she would die.
 
 But he didn't. He kept grinding against her and thrusting his
 tongue in and out of her mouth and moaning that beautiful
 moan. She grabbed his ass and pulled him harder to her,
 increasing the pressure. She felt a throbbing between her legs
 that she recognized vaguely. She'd been able to bring herself to
 this point a couple of times but never beyond. It was a wonderful
 but frustrating place to be which is why she'd essentially given
 up on masturbation a long time ago. 
 
 He moved his kiss from her mouth down to her chin, over her
 neck and finally back to her breast. He ran his tongue in slow,
 agonizing circles over her nipples and she rocked against him.
 She thought he would stop there but he continued his downward
 path, licking his way down her stomach, over her belly button
 and her sides. It would have tickled if she hadn't been so
 aroused.
 
 She felt his hands at the waist of her jeans and looked down
 nervously. She wanted this so much, she was so ready for it, but
 it was still uncharted territory. 
 
 "Can I take these off Scully?"
 
 God he was so sweet, so considerate, asking her permission for
 every little baby step they took. It made her heart soar and her
 fear vanish.
 
 She nodded and smiled. "Please."
 
 She kicked off her shoes and socks and he slowly unbuttoned
 her jeans. When she felt his fingers pulling her fly down,
 brushing against her, she felt a strange, but very pleasant tremor
 and arched against his hand. He smiled and pulled the jeans
 down her legs and off her body. He sat back on his knees and
 looked at her with that same goofy grin. But beneath that grin his
 eyes burned with a raw, open hunger that took her breath away.
 He really did think she was beautiful. 
 
 He stood up at the foot of the bed and finished unbuttoning the
 fly she had started with before. He didn't seem to want her to
 touch him there for some reason. Not yet anyway. That's what
 he'd said. Not yet baby. She tingled again thinking of the
 intimate way he had said that.
 
 She watched with rapt fascination as he pulled his jeans off and
 threw them on the floor. He stood before her clad only in a pair
 of blue cotton boxers. She could see the outline of his erection
 pressing against the fabric. She hoped he would take the boxers
 off too. She had an unusually strong desire to see what was
 underneath. But he didn't. He sank to his knees and took her
 foot in his hands.
 
 Her eyes widened in surprise. This wasn't exactly what she had
 been expecting. But as he massaged the sole of her foot,
 kneading the flesh with his fingers, she started to forget what
 she had been expecting and enjoy what he actually was doing. It
 felt amazing. He wrapped his lips around her big toe and sucked
 lightly on it and she cried out. It was surprisingly exciting.
 
 He worked his way around her whole foot, licking and massaging
 her toes and her ankle and she found herself clutching the
 blanket underneath her. Eventually he worked his way up her
 calf, giving it the same treatment. He tugged gently at both her
 legs and she went completely limp, letting him pull her towards
 him so that she was sitting at the edge of the bed. So that her
 legs were hanging down on either side of him. So that her crotch
 was inches from his face. 
 
 Waves of panic and desire washed over her as she realized
 what he was going to do.
 
 "Can I kiss you here?"
 
 His mouth was so close to her that when he spoke, his words
 vibrated against the sodden fabric of her panties causing a
 whole new set of tremors through her. 
 
 "Huummm..." 
 
 She wished he'd stop asking now. She couldn't even form
 coherent words anymore. So she slid down further and jerked
 into his face as an answer. He chuckled against her and then ran
 his tongue over the material of her panties. 
 
 It felt amazing. God it felt too good. She almost couldn't stand it.
 But still she wanted more.
 
 "Take...off. Mmmm takethemofff!"
 
 He looped his fingers through the waistband and slowly pulled
 the underwear down and off. And then he was there.
 Everywhere. His lips and his tongue and his hands, on her, in
 her, in places no one, not even she herself, had ever been. And
 it felt better than she ever imagined possible.
 
 He separated and stroked her folds gently with his fingers,
 lapping at her clit like a kitten, over and over and over. Back and
 forth, gently at first but slowly increasing in speed and pressure.
 Then in circles, wide at first then smaller and more focused. 
 
 She grabbed the back of his head, pressing him harder against
 her, grabbing fistfuls of hair in a needy desperation that she had
 never, ever felt. Her hips began to rotate off the bed without her
 even realizing it.
 
 She realized suddenly that there was blood in her mouth. She'd
 been biting the inside of her lip to keep from making any
 embarrassing noises. But it was okay, she told herself. She was
 with Mulder and it was okay. He wouldn't think she was bad for
 enjoying this. He was doing it so that she would enjoy it, so that
 she would feel good. All for her, he was doing it all for her. God
 she loved him. 
 
 She let herself groan a little and soon she was making an almost
 continual stream of noises, each louder and stranger than the
 last. She'd never made such noises. She hoped Rebecca wasn't
 home. 
 
 She looked down at him and was surprised to find him looking
 right back at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief and desire and
 she wondered what she must look like, thrashing around on her
 bed like that. He seemed to like it though. He seemed happy. 
 
 She was starting to feel something building inside her.
 Something that defied description. She wondered if it was an
 orgasm, or at least the beginnings of one. She was already way
 past anywhere she'd ever been and had no way of knowing if it
 was actually happening. They were only supposed to last a few
 seconds though and this was just going on and on. 
 
 A sudden spasm hit her and she called out to Mulder. Was that
 it? Was that an orgasm? No, it couldn't be because she still
 wanted more.
 
 He pulled his mouth from her and she whimpered in dismay.
 
 "Have you ever been this close before Scully?"
 
 "I...mmm....noooo."
 
 She was gasping for air, barely able to think or speak. What the
 hell was happening to her?
 
 "Just relax Scully. Let it happen. I'm right here."
 
 He pressed his tongue against her again and she felt it more
 acutely than before. She felt it everywhere. He was doing it even
 harder and faster and her whole body was shaking. 
 
 His finger began sliding slowly in and out of her and it felt
 surprisingly good. Amazing. She felt full. She felt herself tighten
 around him and pull him deeper inside. 
 
 "M..moremuldermore..."
 
 He pumped her now, fast and furious and his lips tightened
 around her clit and he sucked at it and flicked his tongue over it
 again and again and again.
 
 "Mulder. Oh. Oh...GOD."
 
 She screamed. She screamed loud and long as everything
 inside her shattered into a million pieces. It was unbearable
 pleasure and sweet pain and scary and beautiful and just defied
 description. And then it was too much. It just hurt and she pulled
 his hair to make him stop. 
 
 He looked up at her with a smile and crawled back up her
 trembling, twitching body. He covered her again and she kissed
 him savagely, tasting herself mingled with his taste. 
 
 They moved together back to the head of the bed and he
 wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to him.
 
 "Did you like that Scully?"
 
 It was such a ridiculous question that she had to laugh. Like it?
 That was like asking someone if they'd "like" to meet God. Like
 was not the right word.
 
 "It was...oh God Mulder..thank you. Thank you." 
 
 He laughed and kissed the top of her head. 
 
 "Thank you Scully. Thank you for letting me give you that."
 
 Well, that was something, but it wasn't enough. Not for him. She
 wanted to give him everything he'd given her. She wanted to
 make him feel what she had just felt. She wanted his orgasm.
 
 end part 7a
 
 
 

 E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 
 She was amazing. She was a dream. She was his. He could see
 it in the rapt way she was gazing up at him, feel it in the way she
 squeezed him close, ground her hips against his leg. He'd given
 her her first orgasm. 
 
 He felt what he realized to be a totally inappropriate burst of
 male pride at the thought. The way he'd made her feel, it was
 unbelievable. She'd been so out of control, so ecstatic, it was
 the most beautiful, deeply moving thing he had ever seen. He
 didn't think he would ever forget that dirty, sweet smile on her
 face, the way her eyes had rolled into the back of her head, the
 satisfied and somewhat startled mewling sounds she'd been
 making. 
 
 For a moment he was so lost in his musings that he didn't notice
 the fact that she was running her hands down his chest, over his
 stomach. When he felt her tiny fingers pulling at the waistband
 of his boxers he was actually startled.
 
 He'd been hard the entire time he'd been going down on her but
 he'd really scarcely noticed. He'd been so focused on giving her
 what she needed that he hadn't thought for a second about his
 own intense arousal. 
 
 He was still hard. But still unable to conceive of asking anything
 of her. He would have been content to lay with her until she fell
 asleep and then slip off to the bathroom to relieve himself later. 
 
 She seemed to want more.
 
 She was up on her knees now, pulling at the annoying garment
 with a look of frustration. He rose a little bit and helped her off
 with the shorts. And then there they were, both completely
 naked. It was something he'd never thought he would live to
 see.
 
 He looked up at her face, expecting to see her smiling back at
 him, but her eyes were downcast, focusing on the part of him
 she had never seen. Her mouth was parted in a little o and her
 eyes were wide with...something. Surprise, shock, dismay? 
 
 "Scully?"
 
 She looked up and he saw that she was blushing. She laughed a
 little nervously.
 
 "I..I'm sorry. It's just...God Mulder, it's just..."
 
 She was silent for a moment and a thousand horrific possibilities
 ran through his head. 
 
 "It's just um...it's really big Mulder."
 
 Now it was his turn to blush. He didn't really know what to say to
 that. 
 
 "Is...is that okay Scully? I mean, does that bother you?"
 
 She laughed again and shook her head.
 
 "No, I mean, I don't think so...I mean...I like it Mulder. It's very
 um...it's very you. I just haven't really seen that many ya know.
 It kinda um...took me by surprise."
 
 He smiled, hoping that she would never have occasion to see
 another one. Ever. 
 
 She lay back down next to him and he rolled onto his side,
 wanting to feel his flesh against hers. When she started kissing
 him, he realized that had been a mistake. His cock was already
 twitching anxiously against her stomach and he had to fight an
 overwhelming urge to start rubbing himself against her like a
 dog. 
 
 She reached between them and stroked him lightly and he
 jerked into her hand reflexively with a grunt. She chuckled into
 his neck and wrapped her hand completely around him. 
 
 He closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the sensations for a
 while. Her hand running up and down the length of him, her lips
 and tongue massaging his neck, his chest, the feel of her hair in
 his hands, the smell of her sweet little body beside him, it was all
 beautiful. 
 
 "Mulder, I've never done this before. Let me know if I do it
 wrong."
 
 "Hmm..."
 
 He wondered what the heck she was talking about. She had just
 told him that a hand job was the one thing she HAD done. And
 she was doing it fine, just right in fact.
 
 Then before he knew what was happening, he felt her tongue
 flicking lightly, tentatively, over the head of his penis.
 
 "Oh God. Scully...you don't have to ahhhh...Jesus."
 
 His head fell back into the pillow as she wrapped her lips
 completely around the tip of him. It looked like he didn't have
 much choice in the matter. She was going to do it no matter
 what. She wanted to. And he couldn't stop her. He didn't have
 the strength anymore.
 
 He looked down and found her nervous eyes looking back up at
 him. Her mouth curled into a tiny smile around him and she slid
 down, slowly taking more of him in. It felt so good already. His
 whole body was shaking. He had to restrain himself from jerking
 violently into her mouth. 
 
 Soon her head started bobbing slowly up and down on him. She
 couldn't manage to get the whole thing down so she wrapped
 her hand around him at the root and started moving it in synch
 with her mouth. It was already the best blow job he'd ever gotten
 in his entire life. And it wasn't just because it was Scully. True
 that was certainly part of it but there was more. Despite her
 inexperience she seemed to sense exactly what he needed. She
 knew how to touch him almost instinctually. He was close
 already.
 
 He reached down and stroked her hair lightly, needing to touch
 her somehow. She was still in those pigtails. He took one of
 them in his hand and found himself winding it around his fist like
 a rope. His other hand was clutching at the bedsheets for dear
 life.
 
 She sped her movements a bit and he groaned his approval.
 Suddenly he felt something hot and wet against his leg. He
 looked down and saw that she had straddled his thigh and was
 grinding herself against him as she sucked the life out of him.
 He groaned again and pushed his leg upwards a little. What a
 horny little thing she was. What a lucky son of a bitch he was. 
 
 He felt himself starting to throb inside her mouth and wondered
 if he was starting to choke her. If so, she didn't seem to mind.
 She started stroking him with her tongue as she moved over him
 and he gasped.
 
 "Scuh..leee..."
 
 She paused and looked up at him. She took her mouth away
 from him and he felt like crying.
 
 "I...is this okay Mulder? Am I doing it right?"
 
 God. She was so adorable. He felt his heart shatter all over
 again. She just broke him sometimes.
 
 He nodded enthusiastically.
 
 "Just right, baby. Just right."
 
 She smiled and placed a delicate kiss at the crevice where the
 head met the shaft and he felt a tear run down his cheek. Could
 he love her anymore?
 
 Then she circled the head with her tongue and he was so
 startled at the feeling that he jerked off the bed and into her
 mouth. Dammit, he cursed himself. He'd been trying so hard not
 to do that. 
 
 Strangely though, she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she smiled
 even wider and then she took him in. All the way in. She pulled
 her hand away and covered every inch of him with her mouth. 
 
 It was heaven. It was the best thing he had ever felt in his entire
 life. But it wasn't right. She had to be choking, gagging on him
 by now.
 
 He tried to tell her she didn't have to, that he was sorry for
 jerking into her that way, that what she'd been doing before was
 fine, wonderful, earth shattering, but all that he was able to
 come up with was "Nuhhummm".
 
 She made a sound around him. Something like "Yuhhummm."
 
 He supposed it was as close to a conversation that they could
 get at that point. She looked happy. She really did. And she
 wasn't making any wretching noises even though he could feel
 himself sliding in and out of her throat. 
 
 She reached under with her now free hand and started lightly
 stroking his balls. He made a high pitched squeaking sound and
 she stopped again.
 
 "Is this okay? Am I hurting you?"
 
 He shook his head frantically back and forth. 
 
 "S'good. Donstopdonstop."
 
 She went back to exactly what she had been doing and he
 groaned her name. She moaned and he felt it vibrating around
 him. He was really, really close. He could almost hear the
 throbbing in his cock. He felt it everywhere. When he closed his
 eyes he saw stars, lights pulsing in time with the pounding in his
 groin.
 
 His toes curled up in the blanket and he squeezed on that braid
 like a life line. She sped up even more and tightened her big,
 perfect, blow job lips around him and everything inside him
 surged.
 
 He had to tell her. She needed to get out of the way. He was
 seconds away and she probably didn't even realize it.
 
 "Scu....Scu....uhh."
 
 She didn't seem to understand. Go figure. 
 
 "Mmmm...gonna come...Scu...uh."
 
 That was a little better. But she still wasn't moving. Why wasn't
 she moving? 
 
 He bit the inside of his lip to keep from exploding into her
 mouth. Did she realize what was going to happen? Could she
 possibly want that? 
 
 He tried again to communicate some kind of warning.
 
 "Might...wanna....m...m....move."
 
 She laughed through her nose and rolled her eyes and he
 realized, she wanted it. She wanted him to come in her mouth. 
 
 The realization was too much for him. 
 
 "God, Scully...NOW!" he bellowed in a last ditch attempt. But
 she stayed with him as his body rose off the bed and he thrust
 uncontrollably into her mouth and pulled the bedsheets out and
 practically pulled her hair out. She stayed with him and she let
 every last drop of his semen shoot down her throat. 
 
 When the final spasm was through she slipped his still partially
 erect sex out of her mouth and came to rest beside him. He
 pulled her to him and wrapped his arms possessively around
 her. He was still shaking.
 
 She wrapped her leg over his hip and he felt her heat again. He
 was probably covered in her juices by now. Not that he was
 bothered. He was starting to wonder if maybe she could bottle
 them for him. 
 
 "So, um, was that okay?"
 
 He looked down at her in disbelief. She seemed to honestly not
 know. 
 
 "Scully...Scully...God."
 
 He laughed. It was funny. She was so innocent and so...not. It
 was completely Scully. 
 
 "God *damn* Scully. Are you sure you haven't done that
 before?"
 
 "I think I'd remember that Mulder."
 
 "It was...it was amazing Scully. Beyond words. Beyond anything.
 I can't even...God."
 
 He squeezed her tight and she ran her hand over his chest.
 
 "You um, you didn't have to swallow it ya know."
 
 She shook her head and chuckled.
 
 "I know that Mulder. I wanted to. I liked it. It tasted good."
 
 He smiled and pulled the rubberband from the bottom of one of
 her braids. For some reason they didn't seem appropriate
 anymore. 
 
 "I liked it too Scully. I liked it a lot. It made me feel really good,"
 he murmured as he ran his fingers through her hair, freeing it.
 Soon he'd undone both pigtails and spread her hair out around
 her face and over his chest. 
 
 "You're so beautiful Scully. You know that don't you?"
 
 She shrugged. He got the impression that it wasn't something
 she'd ever even considered. She wasn't "the pretty one". She
 was the smart one or the athletic one or the shy one. Never the
 pretty one. But to him, she was the only one. Smartest, prettiest,
 strongest, no one else even compared. He wished he could
 show her herself through his eyes somehow. It was something
 he'd always wanted.
 
 He knew Scully wasn't insecure. Now or ever. But he also
 sensed that she didn't recognize her beauty. Especially this
 younger, less seasoned version of her. She seemed to think it
 odd that he would even suggest such a thing. 
 
 "Well, you are. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen
 Scully. Trust me."
 
 He lifted her chin and forced her to look at him and she smiled
 and nodded. 
 
 "I do trust you Mulder. I do."
 
 She really did. She trusted him so openly and so willingly it was
 frightening. He felt even more protective towards her than he
 had towards her older incarnation. She seemed so vulnerable
 sometimes, it broke his heart. 
 
 He kissed her gently and she moaned and rubbed herself
 against his hip. He grinned to himself. He'd created a monster. 
 
 He ran his hand through her hair and over her side, down the
 deep curve of her waist and over the round softness of her hip.
 He reached around to clutch the warm pillow of her backside.
 She really did have the most amazing body he'd ever seen,
 plastic or real. Strong and lean but curvy and soft in all the right
 places. She had a perfect hourglass shape even if it was in
 miniature. She was like a little angel. And a little sex kitten. A
 sex angel? If there was such a thing, she was one.
 
 He turned on his side and reached between them to stroke her
 between her legs. She seemed to be crying out for it. 
 
 She moaned happily and gave him that smile that was starting
 to make him weak in the knees now that he knew exactly what it
 meant. 
 
 "That feel good?"
 
 "Mmmyeah. Do it more."
 
 He ran his fingers back and forth over her and she arched into
 his hand with a groan. She seemed to like it a lot. He wondered
 why she had never done it to herself. Or if she had, why she'd
 never been able to bring herself to orgasm. He supposed it had
 something to do with her Catholic upbringing. Good religious
 girls weren't supposed to do things like that. It might not have
 kept her from trying but the guilt might have been enough to
 keep her from enjoying it. He was thrilled all over again that he'd
 managed to free her from that with him. 
 
 He wondered if he could give her an even more valuable gift.
 
 "Scully, why don't you try to do it?"
 
 Her eyes shot open and the smile disappeared.
 
 "What? You don't want to?"
 
 "Oh, no Scully. It's not that. Believe me, it's not that. I just think
 it might be nice for you to be able to do it for yourself once in
 awhile. You're a very passionate woman Scully. It might be good
 for you to look inside yourself and learn how to make yourself
 feel good."
 
 He hoped he didn't sound too much like Doctor Ruth. 
 
 She looked positively panicked.
 
 "You...you want me to do it in front of you?" 
 
 Honestly, he hadn't even thought about that aspect of it. But
 God, it was certainly something to think about.
 
 "I would love it Scully. Mmmm, it would really turn me on."
 
 He massaged her clit delicately for emphasis and she cried out.
 Maybe if she realized that he was getting pleasure out of it, she
 wouldn't feel so guilty. 
 
 "Oh..Mulder. I dunno...it would turn you on? Really?"
 
 She was blushing and chewing on her lower lip. It was the cutest
 thing he'd ever seen.
 
 "God Scully, I can't think of anything that would turn me on
 more."
 
 She whimpered. He took one of her hands in his free one and
 led it downwards. He placed it over the hand that was touching
 her.
 
 She rolled onto her back and pressed down on his hand,
 moaning. She was smiling again. Her fingers covered his and
 since he wasn't moving, she began directing them, leading him,
 touching herself through him.
 
 "That's good Scully. You show me what to do."
 
 He paid careful attention as she led his fingers through her folds
 and over her clit. He memorized each motion so that he would
 know how to repeat it. 
 
 He leaned on his elbow and watched her, mesmerized. Her eyes
 were closed in concentration and her mouth was partly open.
 She was breathing in tiny little pants and sighs and her face was
 covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Her hair was hanging down,
 partially covering her breasts, flowing over the pillow. She was
 the most stunning vision he had ever seen. 
 
 She was so young but, he realized in that moment, she was far
 older than even he was. Her soul, she was an old soul. She was
 far more mature than he would ever be and even now she was
 the strong one. She'd been the one with the guts to tell him how
 she felt. She'd been the one to kiss him, to touch him. She'd
 broken down the barriers between them with such a carefree,
 sweet spirit, he could scarcely breath to think of it. Her youth of
 body had given her the innocence to make the first move
 without worrying about old scars, baggage, past hurts and
 mistakes. And her strength of soul had allowed her to do it
 without the paralyzing fear that gripped him constantly. She was
 young and she was old. 
 
 He was just a fool. Even now she was saving him. She always
 would. All he could do was try to show her how to do the same
 thing for herself. And right now, this was the best he could do.
 
 She started trembling and gasping under him and he realized
 she was close again. She came even faster than he did. He
 slipped his hand out from under her so that it was only her hand
 touching herself. 
 
 She stopped moving and looked at him imploringly.
 
 "M...Mulder?"
 
 "Go ahead baby. Finish it for me."
 
 "I...I can't."
 
 "Yes you can. Just pretend it's still my hand. Trust me Scully."
 
 He ran his hand over her forehead and placed a light kiss on her
 lips.
 
 "Mulder...I...you too."
 
 She nodded in the direction of his nether regions. He was
 surprised to look down and find himself fully erect again. What
 had it been, five minutes? The benefits of youth he supposed.
 And the benefits of Scully. 
 
 So she wanted him to join her. Scully and her gender equality.
 Either that or she figured he would be embarrassed and drop the
 whole thing. Not likely at this point. 
 
 He reached down and took his cock in his hand. She gasped,
 surprised but, he sensed, at least a little excited. He started
 sliding his hand over himself in a familiar rhythm and slowly but
 surely, her little hands started working on herself. 
 
 He watched her middle finger working slow circles over her clit,
 then down to her entrance for more moisture which she spread
 over herself with a shudder. She was biting her lip still, trying to
 keep quiet it looked like. 
 
 He increased the speed of his own motions and groaned loudly,
 hoping to encourage her, to show her it was okay to be liking
 this. 
 
 Their eyes met and she smiled.
 
 "How does it feel Scully?"
 
 "Humm...good...I think. It's...a lot..."
 
 She pulled her hand away suddenly.
 
 "I think...I think I'm gonna come Mulder."
 
 He caressed her face with his free hand and kissed her
 shoulder.
 
 "It's okay Scully. Let it happen. Let it go."
 
 He ran his fingers over her cheek and her lips. He was surprised
 to feel her suck his index finger between her lips and into her
 mouth. She ran her tongue over it and he gasped and jerked
 himself harder. 
 
 Her hand moved back between her legs and she seemed to only
 touch herself once before crying out and thrusting against her
 fingers. He felt her teeth around his finger and her nails digging
 into his arm and it was just enough. He gripped himself tightly as
 cum shot out of him and splattered on both of them. He called
 her name, as always. 
 
 When he turned back to her, he was alarmed to see tears
 trailing down her cheek. She was crying. Yet again. He should
 have known. It was too much. He was the stupidest man that
 ever lived. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around
 her.
 
 "What is it Scully? Are you okay?"
 
 She nodded but he heard her muffled crying against his chest.
 He felt her tears burning down his skin. 
 
 "Sweetheart, what is it? I'm sorry. Was that really bad?"
 
 She looked up at him and shook her head.
 
 "No. No Mulder, it was...God I don't know what it was."
 
 "Are you upset?"
 
 "No I think....I think I'm happy. I'm sorry Mulder. It was just really
 intense."
 
 He kissed the top of her head and pulled her close. It was okay.
 She was okay. She was trembling in his arms but she'd stopped
 crying. They were okay. 
 
 "Mulder, it was really good. I mean, I'm glad we did that. I
 mean...wow." 
 
 She laughed into his chest and he laughed too. He pulled the
 blanket up to cover them both and she snuggled into him.
 
 "Can we do all that again soon Mulder?"
 
 "Anytime Scully. Anytime."
 
 She sighed and stretched her arms and legs out over him. Her
 hair spilled over his chest. He felt enveloped in her head to toe.
 Body and soul. She loved him. She was his. If only he could tell
 her how he felt. If only he could communicate the depth of his
 feelings to her. But he couldn't. Not until she knew the whole
 truth.
 
 He realized he couldn't continue this way for much longer. She
 wanted him to make love to her, to take her virginity. That's how
 much she trusted him. He needed to make himself worthy of
 that trust. He couldn't take her virginity, couldn't tell him he
 loved her, until she knew everything about how he had come to
 be in her life. He had to tell her. And soon.
 
 end part 7b
  >>

 Title: Eleventh Hour (8/11)
 Author: Rachel Anton
 E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating: NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 
 August 12, 1982
 
 I've never felt time as an oppressive force before. All my life I've
 wished for it to hurry up already. I've waited for the months and
 years to pass so that I could be the person I needed to be.
 Independent, alone, free from the restrictions of youth and my
 parents and high school and everything else. 
 
 Now I feel an almost claustrophobic sense of dread with every
 day that passes. Every hour. Every minute that goes by is
 another minute closer to the minute Mulder will get on that plane
 to England. 
 
 We haven't discussed it. Not since that first night. He told me
 the date. September 3rd. He has his ticket. He has his class
 schedule. That's all I know. I'm not sure if denial or fear has kept
 us from talking about what exactly is going to happen when he
 steps on that plane. 
 
 Will he write, call, visit? Will he stay faithful to me? I want to ask
 him these things but I think that I am afraid of the answers. I am
 afraid of what I will do, how I will feel if he tells me no. I have a
 secret hope that he will tell me at the last minute that he's
 changed his mind, he can't go anywhere without me. I want to
 ask him if he would ever consider staying here with me, going to
 the University instead, but again, I am afraid of the answer.
 
 I'm not sure if these unspoken questions are what have kept him
 from taking me completely. Something is holding him back,
 keeping him from breaking that final barrier. I am happy with
 what we do. He satisfies me in ways I never dreamt imaginable.
 He's taught me how to love my body and to give and take
 pleasure in limitless ways. But still I ache for more. I ache for
 him inside me. I need for him to be the one and I am afraid we
 are running out of time. 
 
 How's that for melodrama?
 
 It's the truth though. I can't imagine giving myself to another
 man in that way. I can't imagine ever wanting that. I want Mulder
 to be the one, the only. I sense that he wants that too. I sense
 that he loves me as I love him. He still hasn't said those words,
 though he shows me every day. He is haunted.
 
 My deepest fear is that he is holding back because he knows he
 will be leaving me soon, that he doesn't want to take my virginity
 and run. I want to tell him that I don't care. I need him to do it
 even if I never see him again. But that would mean talking about
 the fact that he is leaving which, as I said, we never ever do. 
 
 
 
 Scully sighed and dropped her pen on the living room table. She
 couldn't even write about it. She felt tears welling in her eyes
 already.  How could life possibly be so unfair? She was trying to
 enjoy every minute she had with Mulder and not think about the
 future at all, but the future was rapidly becoming the present.
 And she didn't know what she would ever do without him. No
 one else could ever compare, even as a friend. Nothing in the
 world would fill the empty void that he would leave in her life.
 Her heart would be hollow without him there. 
 
 Her musings were interrupted by a knock on the door. She
 looked at her watch. It was almost midnight. It had to be either
 one of Rebecca's many "gentleman callers" or Mulder. She
 looked down at her sweats and felt the messy bun piled onto her
 head and almost hoped it was one of Rebecca's jerks. She
 wiped the annoying tears from her eyes and walked to the door.
 
 She looked through the peephole and of course, it was Mulder.
 He never seemed to drop by unexpectedly when she was
 lounging around in a sexy silk robe or something. Not that she
 did that very often. 
 
 She opened the door to find him tapping his foot nervously and
 running his fingers through his hair.
 
 "Mulder, I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow."
 
 He grinned sheepishly and shrugged.
 
 "Sorry."
 
 "No, it's okay. I was...I was just thinking about you. Come on in."
 
 "Actually, I was hoping you'd come out."
 
 He was speaking very quickly and didn't seem to even want to
 step through the doorway.
 
 "Come out? I don't..." she gestured towards her sloppy attire.
 
 "You look gorgeous. Just throw on some shoes and let's go."
 
 He was acting very odd. He wasn't usually this impatient or
 bossy but for some reason she couldn't refuse. She pulled on
 some sneakers and followed him to his car. She had to run to
 keep up. Once she was sitting in the passenger seat she
 glanced towards the back. There were some blankets there and
 a grocery bag.
 
 "Mulder, where are we going?"
 
 "Just a place," he waved his hand in the air and started the
 engine. He seemed extremely tense. He hadn't even kissed her
 hello or anything. He was in a damn hurry for some reason. A
 place? What the hell did that mean?
 
 "What's in the bag Mulder?"
 
 "Just some stuff."
 
 He pulled the car onto the road and she looked at him curiously.
 Something very odd was going on here. But she didn't even
 really care all that much. She was with Mulder. It was all that
 really mattered.
 
 xxxxx
 
 Mulder had only the vaguest notion of where they were going.
 They were going to the ocean. Scully loved the ocean. That was
 about as far as his knowledge went. He hoped the water freed
 her spirit enough to make her believe. He got on the highway
 and headed East, towards Delaware, towards the Atlantic.
 
 He hadn't planned on doing it this way. He'd planned on doing it
 at the Vineyard. But his mother had been there all the time,
 butting in and giving Scully weird looks. He'd planned on doing it
 once they got back. But the time never seemed right. He'd never
 had the guts.
 
 But for some reason when he'd been about to go to sleep, he'd
 decided tonight was it. It had to be tonight. It was time to tell her
 everything. He'd thrown together a makeshift picnic and bolted
 out the door before he lost the nerve again. 
 
 He hoped they got wherever they were going before the sun
 came up. He had to do this at night. 
 
 They sped through the darkness in silence for almost an hour.
 She seemed to sense that he had something to get off his chest,
 some purpose for this madness, but she was waiting for him to
 start talking. He loved her for it. 
 
 She looked so beautiful tonight. He loved seeing her like this,
 natural and unadorned. He prayed that she would believe him.
 Or at least understand, still love him. If she stopped loving him
 he was sure he would die. 
 
 "Mulder, are we almost to the place yet?"
 
 Her voice startled him. He jumped. He couldn't remember being
 this nervous in his life. 
 
 "Um...yeah, sure." 
 
 "Mulder, you don't even know where we're going do you? We're
 just driving around randomly in the middle of the night aren't
 we?" 
 
 He looked over and saw that she was smirking.
 
 "Would that bother you Scully?"
 
 "Not really but you could tell me that. You don't have to pretend
 to know where you're going Mulder."
 
 He smiled because the whole thing was a miniature version of
 what he'd been doing since he'd been back here. Driving her
 around randomly, not knowing where they were going or if he
 was doing things the way he was supposed to, letting her think
 he knew what the hell was going on. 
 
 "I'll know it when I see it Scully."
 
 He saw a sign for Delaware Bay and followed it. Once he got
 there he could turn South and they would eventually reach the
 ocean. 
 
 "Well, wake me up when you find what you're looking for
 Mulder. I'm taking a nap."
 
 xxxxx
 
 Scully was in a dark, small place. She could barely breath, she
 couldn't speak, couldn't move. There was something on her
 mouth, over her eyes, her wrists. She was in some kind of a
 small enclosure, a closet maybe. And there was someone on the
 other side. Someone she couldn't see or hear but sensed.
 Someone whose very essence spoke of evil, vile things. He
 wanted to hurt her. He wanted to kill her. She was more
 frightened than she'd ever been in her life.
 
 Then suddenly there was brightness. White light slowly turning
 into outlines, figures, people, people coming to save her, police
 men, Mulder. Mulder was there. 
 
 She was embarrassed. She didn't like him to see her so scared.
 She didn't want him to know that she was afraid to die. 
 
 Then he touched her face, forced her to look at him, and she
 collapsed into his arms, letting herself cry, letting him see her.
 She let him hold her. He looked afraid to do that but he wrapped
 his arms around her anyway and it filled her heart.
 
 "Scully?"
 
 She woke to the feel of his hand on her shoulder. She was
 gasping for air. She still felt the gag. 
 
 "Scully, are you okay? What is it?"
 
 "Dream. I...I dunno. Weird nightmare."
 
 He leaned over and hugged her for comfort and she realized
 that the car had stopped. They were there, wherever there was. 
 
 "What about Scully?"
 
 She pulled reluctantly out of his embrace and looked around.
 They were in a dark, deserted parking lot. She heard waves.
 
 "Mulder, where are we?"
 
 "Assatteague Island."
 
 "Assawhat?"
 
 "It's an island. Off the coast of Delaware."
 
 "Looks more like a ghost town. Why are we here Mulder?"
 
 He shrugged and opened his door.
 
 "Let's go find out."
 
 He pulled the stuff from the back seat and hopped out of the car.
 
 "Come on," he called as he started heading quickly away.
 
 She followed him down to the beach. It was a beautiful night,
 clear and warm. They walked down to the shore and she took off
 her shoes to feel the water on her feet. The place was deserted
 and peaceful. Mulder certainly knew how to pick a romantic
 getaway. She had a surge of excitement. Maybe he'd taken her
 here to make love to her finally. But romance seemed far from
 his mind right now. Something was troubling him.
 
 "So, what was that nightmare about Scully?"
 
 She sighed, not really wanting to talk about the silly dream. She
 wanted to know what he had brought her here for.
 
 "Um, it was kind of odd. Stupid really. Someone was holding me
 captive in this closet thing. I dunno, it was really just a dumb
 nightmare Mulder."
 
 "What else happened?"
 
 God, what the hell? It was just a dream. She rolled her eyes
 impatiently and wondered again what the hell he was so nervous
 about.
 
 "I dunno, you came and saved me and then you hugged me and
 I dunno, you looked a little different, like older or something."
 
 "Oh, Scully. Oh God."
 
 He stopped walking and ran his fingers through his hair again. 
 
 "What Mulder? What is it?"
 
 "That...it wasn't a dream Scully. It really happened."
 
 She was starting to get really worried about him. She was used
 to him acting peculiar but this was downright unsettling.
 
 "Mulder, what are you talking about?"
 
 "Over there Scully, come on."
 
 He pointed to a pile of rocks. She followed him to the huge, flat
 boulders that seemed to be growing out of the ocean. He led her
 to the top and placed the blankets down so that they could sit.
 The spray from the ocean hit them lightly but it was a few feet
 below. It was a very beautiful spot. The rock they were on jutted
 out over the water so all she could see in every direction was
 ocean and sky. And Mulder. 
 
 He sat down beside her and started fussing with the things he'd
 brought.
 
 "Mulder, what did you mean by that, it really happened? What
 does that mean?"
 
 "I, I brought some peaches Scully. And um, strawberries,
 grapes, there's some bread and a bottle of wine..."
 
 He was laying these items out on the blanket as he described
 them to her. She was getting mildly frustrated.
 
 "Mulder, I don't want to eat. I want you to tell me what you were
 talking about. I want to know why you brought me here."
 
 He took a deep breath and turned to face her. He wouldn't meet
 her eyes. He looked like a frightened child.
 
 "Scully, I have something to tell you. Something very bizarre.
 You might not believe it. In fact I don't think you will. And it
 might make you hate me or be afraid of me but I can't keep it
 from you anymore. I've got to tell you now."
 
 Possibilities flashed through her mind, each more frightening
 than the last. He was gay. He was engaged. He was married. He
 found her repulsive. 
 
 "Mulder, nothing could make me hate you and I know you would
 never lie to me but you are starting to scare me. Just tell me. It'll
 be okay."
 
 He took her face in his hands and finally looked in her eyes.
 There was so much there. So much intensity and love and raw
 terror in his eyes.
 
 "Do you trust me Scully? Do you believe in us?"
 
 "Of course I do."
 
 "Do you feel our connection?"
 
 "You know I do Mulder."
 
 "Do you know why you feel it?" 
 
 She almost said, "Because I love you" but that wasn't really an
 answer. It was circular. He was asking her why. Why she had
 fallen so hard, so fast, so easily. And to that she had no answer.
 She shrugged helplessly.
 
 "I just...do Mulder."
 
 "Well, I know why you do Scully. It's because this isn't the first
 time we've met. I've known you for a long long time."
 
 xxxxxx
 
 Mulder took a deep breath and glanced towards the ocean. How
 in the world was he supposed to explain this? 
 
 "Mulder, what does that mean? You've known me? I don't
 remember meeting you ever before."
 
 "You haven't Scully. I said that I've known you. Not that you've
 known me." 
 
 He sighed and shook his head. This game of semantics was just
 going to confuse her even more.
 
 "Scully, I'm...I'm talking about the future, a future that's already
 happened, that I came back here to try to change."
 
 He realized how truly ridiculous the words sounded once they
 had filled the air between them and he wasn't surprised to see
 her scrunch up her face and hear her snort derisively.
 
 "What the hell are you talking about Mulder?"
 
 He bit back the overwhelming urge to make a joke, let her think
 he'd been kidding around with her, trying to make her think he
 was some kind of supernatural hero out of a sci-fi novel. But this
 was honesty night and he wasn't gonna back out now that he
 was already half way to making a fool out of himself. 
 
 "Scully I...I'm from the future." 
 
 He almost laughed himself at that one.
 
 "Mulder, what does that *mean*?"
 
 She wasn't even mildly amused anymore. She was probably
 starting to get scared that she'd been having oral sex with an
 escaped mental patient. Mulder shuddered, realizing that that
 was actually what she had been doing. 
 
 "Scully, I know this sounds odd, insane even, but it's the truth.
 My...my brain, it's...it came back, from the future, from twenty
 years in the future. This...this body is mine but it's...it's not. It's
 me but it's not the me that my brain is from."
 
 He stopped, utterly frustrated. He couldn't even explain it to
 himself. How could he have expected to explain it to her?
 
 "So, you're saying that you just jumped backwards in time, into
 your past? Is that what you're saying Mulder?"
 
 She wasn't angry. She wasn't even really upset. She was
 just...Scully. Skeptical as ever but willing to listen, willing to give
 him a chance. 
 
 "I guess...yes. That's what I'm saying Scully. I didn't intend to go
 back this far. Only a couple months but it was um...kind of an
 experiment in the first place. I didn't even expect it to work. I
 certainly didn't expect to meet you here and now but it happened
 Scully. It all happened."
  
 She was silent for a long agonizing moment. When she turned
 away from him he thought for sure that he had lost her. 
 
 "Scully..."
 
 He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. There
 were tears of confusion forming in her eyes.
 
 "Scully please. I know you can feel what we have. That dream
 you had, it was something from our future. I know you can feel
 the truth of what I'm saying somewhere inside of you. You have
 to let yourself believe it though. You have to want to believe."
 
 "Mulder..."
 
 "Scully please, please believe me. I need you to believe me."
 
 "Mulder, I need you to tell me why. I need you to tell me why
 you're here."
 
 
 xxxxxx
 
 Scully sat quietly and she listened to him. She'd asked him to
 tell her the story of their "future" together more out of concern
 for his well being than anything else. She wanted to keep him
 calm, to keep him talking. She wanted to listen to him and try to
 figure out where this insanity was coming from. It scared her
 seeing him like this. 
 
 She hadn't known what to expect from his story but what he told
 her was certainly surprising. It was a very long, intricate tale. So
 precise in detail that it might have taken a person years to
 concoct. It was a strange tale. So strange that she couldn't
 imagine it coming from someone's wildest imaginings. 
 
  She wasn't sure what to believe anymore and part of her was
 certain that this was all some kind of a sick joke he was playing
 but as he told her more and more, she felt something resonate
 in her despite herself. She told herself over and over that it was
 crazy, that she shouldn't believe it, but somehow, something told
 her it was just...right.
 
 She found herself growing more and more wrapped up in his
 tale as he spoke. She listened with concentration and
 fascination. It really did sound like them and it was actually
 sounding like a pretty good, if somewhat unusual future. Fighting
 the bad guys, living an adventure, and always together. That
 was the best part. Mulder was her future. She did want to
 believe.
 
 But then things took a bit of a down turn. On and on the stories
 went, each more horrific than the last and she noticed that as he
 told her, silent tears ran down his cheeks. He was reliving these
 things.
 
 So many terrible things they had been through together. But
 through the entire ordeal, one thing had been constant. Their
 unwavering devotion to and faith in one another. She reached
 over and wiped his cheek with her hand. 
 
 "Mulder, why did you come back here? What happened to me?"
 
 He turned to her, his face suddenly clouded in darkness.
 
 "Do you believe me Scully? Do you?"
 
 She did. God help her, she did. He seemed so deeply effected
 by what he was telling her. And she felt the truth of his words.
 She felt it deep in her soul. She nodded and smiled
 encouragingly even though her heart was full of fear.
 
 "We...we were on a case. A murder case. You...you went after
 the killer and you caught him but you did it all alone, you didn't
 have any back up and you didn't tell me where you were going
 because there wasn't any time and I...I was very angry. I yelled
 at you because I was afraid to tell you how I really felt, because I
 was a coward Scully...I couldn't...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
 
 His shoulders slumped forward and the tears flowed more
 profusely down his face. She stroked his hair lightly and then
 suddenly he fell into her, burying his face between her breasts
 and squeezing her so tight around the waist she could barely
 breathe. 
 
 "Mulder, it's okay. I...I'm sure I knew."
 
 She continued stroking his hair, trying to soothe him but he was
 crying out loud now, hiccuping and whimpering into her chest
 like a little boy.
 
 "It's not okay Scully," he moaned through his choking sobs. "It's
 not. I left and I told you to go. I made you go and you went and
 he...God Scully...he..."
 
 "He who? Mulder, what happened?"
 
 "He killed you Scully!" he wailed against her and his entire body
 shook. "He killed you and you died and it's my fault. It was all
 my fault."
 
 She felt her stomach drop hearing the words. It was what she
 had been fearing. Died. She had died. He had come back to
 keep her from dying. Dead at thirty-eight. She didn't want to
 believe anymore. 
 
 If she had any doubts though, she was now completely
 convinced that he was telling her the truth. He would never
 make something like this up, and if he had, it wouldn't be so
 devastating for him to talk about it. She felt the moisture from
 his profuse tears leaking through the heavy material of her
 sweatshirt already. He was sobbing over and over that it was all
 his fault. She needed to tell him it wasn't, couldn't have been.
 But she could barely speak, barely move. Dead. Dead at
 thirty-eight. 
 
 And Mulder, she had left him alone. She had died and left him
 with no one, desperate enough to try this crazy thing in the first
 place. She swallowed back the tears she felt welling and stroked
 his hair again.
 
 "It wasn't your fault. Mulder, it couldn't have been. It wasn't."
 
 "It was Scully. It was. You died because of me, because I'm
 such a coward. Scully you died because I couldn't tell you I
 loved you. That's why I came back Scully. To tell you I love you
 so you won't die."
 
 She let herself fall into the blankets from the force of his weight
 on her. He fell with her and lay beside her, his head still buried
 in her chest. She spoke soothingly to him and continued to
 stroke his hair and his neck. 
 
 "I knew Mulder. I'm sure I knew. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't
 your fault."
 
 "I'm sorry I never told you Scully. I loved you then. I love you
 now. I'll love you forever."
 
 "I know Mulder. I know."
 
 And she did. But it was so nice to finally hear it. She'd had no
 idea how long she'd been waiting.
 
 
 
 end part 8
 
  >>


 Title: Eleventh Hour (9/11)
 Author: Rachel Anton
 E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating: NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 
 She believed him. She believed him and forgave him and still
 loved him. And she knew he loved her. She had always known.
 Of course. 
 
 He let himself enjoy the feel of her comforting embrace for a
 moment. Then he realized how she must be feeling, hearing
 about her death like that, it had to be terrifying.
 
 He loosened his death grip on her a little bit and looked up from
 the comfortable warmth of her chest. Her eyes were closed and
 her face was wet with tears. He ran his hands over her cheeks.
 
 "Scully, don't cry Scully, don't be scared. It's okay now. I
 promise you, it's not gonna happen again. I'm never gonna let
 anything like that happen to you ever again."
 
 He knew it was a stupid promise to make. He had no idea what
 the future held for them now, if he'd screwed things up even
 more by coming back here. 
 
 "Mulder...I know, it's just...I can't believe you had to go through
 all that. I'm so sorry Mulder."
 
 "Don't Scully. It's okay, you're okay now. That's what matters the
 most to me."
 
 He was starting to think maybe this had been his biggest
 mistake yet. She was still crying.
 
 "I'm sorry Scully. I don't think I should have told you any of this."
 
 She shook her head vehemently.
 
 "No, you should have. I'm glad that you did. Really glad. Now
 it's...it's ours Mulder. I can share these memories with you now
 Mulder, good and bad. You don't have to be alone anymore."
 
 He wondered how it was possible to keep loving her more every
 day of his life. She was right. This was theirs, and sharing it with
 her had allowed him to let her in completely, to love her fully.
 
 He kissed her with a new passion, a startling intensity which she
 returned in kind. He trailed his mouth over her face, down her
 neck, tasting the salt of her tears and the sweetness of her skin
 and she moaned and wrapped her leg around him.
 
 "Mulder," she whispered, "It's time. I want you to make love to
 me. Here. Tonight."
 
 Yes, yes it was time. It was finally time. It was finally right. He
 felt that with absolute certainty. 
 
 He slipped his hands under her sweatshirt, exploring the warm
 terrain underneath. He was happy to discover that she wasn't
 wearing a bra. Her nipples felt hard as rocks, probably more due
 to the cold from the incoming tide than anything else. But as he
 ran his fingers over them she arched under him and sighed. 
 
 She reached down and pulled the top off and he noticed that
 water was splashing over them. The ocean was getting closer. It
 made her body glisten in the moonlight. Drops of seawater
 collected on her breast and he leaned down to suckle them off.
 He wrapped his mouth over her nipple and she clutched his hair
 hungrily. 
 
 He moved so that he was laying on top of her and she pulled his
 T-shirt off clumsily. He noticed that her arms were trembling.
 
 "Scully, are you sure you want this? I can wait as long as you
 need."
 
 "No Mulder!" 
 
 Her frantic reply startled him.
 
 "I want this. No more waiting. I NEED this Mulder."
 
 She arched against him, scraping her nails down his back.
 
 "God, I need it."
 
 She needed it. Needed him. It was real. After everything he had
 just told him, she needed him still. He allowed himself to feel it,
 to believe it. He ran his hands over her body and covered her
 mouth in another kiss. He thought he could taste eternity. 
 
 She was a woman. Not a child. He let himself see her that way
 for perhaps the first time since this had begun. And he gave
 himself permission to treat her that way, to take her like a
 woman.
 
 His tongue scraped the insides of her cheeks, probed the back
 of her throat and she sucked on it, pulling him deeper into her.
 She bit at his lips with her teeth and slid her hands over his bare
 back and down under the denim of his jeans, the cotton of his
 boxers. She grabbed his ass and he thrust against her in
 response. 
 
 He ran his hands down her torso and tugged at the tie of her
 sweatpants. It came undone and he pulled them over her hips.
 Christ. She wasn't wearing any underwear either. He realized
 that he had probably dragged her out of the house in the
 clothing she was about to sleep in. He wasn't sure why that
 turned him on so much but there wasn't much about his
 hormones that he understood. 
 
 He rolled to the side so that he could lay beside her and pull her
 pants completely off. So that he could touch her. He ran his
 fingers reverently over her belly and into the damp forest
 between her legs. She cried out as he rubbed her the way she
 had shown him that first night. 
 
 He watched her face as he continued to touch her but his glance
 was averted temporarily to the pile of food he'd been
 inexplicably motivated to bring along with them. He
 remembered a fantasy he'd been given to fixating on back in the
 old days. Other days. Whatever it had been. Maybe his choices
 hadn't been as random as he'd thought.
 
 xxxxx
 
 He was asking her something. Something...what was it? She
 could barely make it out. Everything was fuzzy except for the
 exquisite feeling of his hand between her legs. Why did he have
 to talk at moments like this? She didn't usually mind, in fact she
 enjoyed his passionate ramblings, except when he actually
 expected her to talk back, to communicate coherently.
 
 "Hmmmwha?"
 
 "I said are you hungry Scully?"
 
 Hungry? She thought it was pretty obvious that she was hungry.
 For him, for this. How could he even ask?
 
 "Cause I'm kinda hungry. I was thinking about all that food I
 brought."
 
 All that food he brought?! Her eyes shot open in complete
 confusion. He was thinking about food? Now?
 
 "You must be hungry after all that huh?"
 
 He had to be kidding. What the hell was he talking about?
 
 "Mulder, I...I don't...ahhh" She lost the power of speech as two of
 his fingers plunged deep into her. He moved them slowly in and
 out as he massaged her clit with his thumb. This was more like
 it. Just a little more and...
 
 Then he was gone. He was reaching over her body, towards the
 damned food.
 
 "Mulder! Dammit!"
 
 "Don't cry sweetheart, I'll be back," he mumbled with an idiotic
 grin. She felt like slapping him.
 
 He picked up the bottle of wine and a corkscrew and sat up to
 open the stupid thing. It was a long laborious process and she
 was starting to really get angry. Was he just stalling? Did he not
 want this the way she thought he did?
 
 He was struggling to get the bloody corkscrew out and he gave
 her a nervous shrug. She rolled her eyes and wondered if she
 should just jump into the sea and end it all.
 
 Finally she heard the thing pop and he took a swig from the
 bottle. He held it towards her.
 
 "Have some Scully. It's great."
 
 She bit her lip to avoid screaming out loud and sat up, leaning
 on her elbows. He brought the bottle to her lips and turned it
 slightly so she could sip it. It tasted surprisingly good. Probably
 because every sensory organ in her body was on full alert at the
 moment. 
 
 He pulled the bottle back and some droplets dripped down her
 chin like drool. He smiled and leaned down, licking the moisture
 from her face. She moaned at the feeling of him on her again
 and moved to get his tongue back in her mouth but he pulled
 away. 
 
 He bent over her again and she watched the way the moonlight
 played over his chest and back. His back, she loved his back.
 She had a sudden image of his back looming over her body,
 muscles tensed with effort, his beautiful behind pumping into her
 in a frenzy. She groaned with frustration and he turned back to
 her with a carton of strawberries and that same idiotic grin. 
 
 He took one out and dangled it over her mouth.
 
 "Want some Scully."
 
 She shrugged and went to bite it but he pulled it away from her. 
 
 "Not like that Scully. Savor it. Little bites."
 
 She leaned back on her elbows with a sigh. Why was he toying
 with her this way? 
 
 He brought the berry back to her mouth and ran the tip over her
 lower lip. She licked it in what she hoped was enough of a
 seductive gesture to get him back between her legs. He seemed
 to like it because he made a little Mulder excited sound but still
 he made no move for her. She took a tiny bite off the tip and
 chewed it. It did taste amazing. 
 
 As she savored the little bit in her mouth Mulder ran the now
 open strawberry over her lips, covering them with the juice.
 Then, thank GOD, his tongue was back, licking the taste from
 her. She opened her mouth and he slipped inside, tasting the
 tiny bit of fruit she hadn't yet swallowed.
 
 He moaned quite loud and she was sure she had him now. But
 then he pulled back again. And he ate the rest of the strawberry
 in one huge bite.
 
 "What happened to savoring Mulder?"
 
 "Mmm...I just wanted to see you do that," he muttered, his
 mouth full. He took another one and brought it to her mouth.
 "You can have more of this one Scully."
 
 "Oh thanks. Thanks a lot." 
 
 She smiled despite her frustration. She was starting to
 understand that he wasn't really stalling. He was playing with
 her. And it really was pretty cute. He seemed to really be excited
 about feeding her like this. 
 
 She bit the top half off the next one and chewed it slowly as he
 watched with rapt fascination. He ran the open end of the
 uneaten half down her chin and smoothly down her neck. The
 juice felt sticky and cold but surprisingly good on her skin.
 Especially when he started licking it off. 
 
 HIs tongue felt hot and wonderful against her neck and she
 arched her whole body towards him, hoping he would give all of
 her the same treatment. He ran the fruit down, over her breasts
 as he continued to lick and suck on her neck. When she felt the
 juicy coldness on her nipple she cried out from the feel of it.
 Then she felt his tongue there, lapping at her, and she moaned
 and pulled her arms out from under herself. She let herself
 collapse back into the blankets and he fell with her. 
 
 She tangled her fingers in his hair, clutching his head to her
 breast in a desperate attempt to keep him there. This whole
 eating naked thing was cute and all but she was ready for more.
 He stayed with her, suckling at her breast and continuing to run
 the strawberry down her body. The moisture on her belly caused
 her to tremble. Wherever the berry went, Mulder's mouth was
 sure to follow. 
 
 Her breast, now moist with saliva, slipped from his lips and his
 tongue followed the strawberry trail as she had expected. When
 his tongue flicked in and out of her navel she looked down. Her
 hips had begun to gyrate off the ground without her knowledge.
 He was so close...
 
 "God...Mulder, please!"
 
 But once again, he was gone. He sat back on his knees and
 reached for another strawberry from the carton and ran her hand
 over her face in frustration. Weren't women the ones who were
 supposed to go in for this erotic foreplay? She watched him
 carefully remove the stem from the new berry and noticed that
 his hands were trembling. Maybe she wasn't the only one getting
 anxious.
 
 She was shocked to feel the cold, bumpy texture of the
 strawberry sliding inside her. She gasped and caught his eyes.
 He winked at her and softly told her, "I'm still kinda hungry
 Scully."
 
 xxxxxx
 
 He hoped to God that she didn't think he was a crude pig for
 wanting to do this. It was just one of those things, one of those
 countless images from his old life that he could never seem to
 chase away. They would creep up on him at the most
 inconvenient and embarrassing times, in the office, in the
 middle of an autopsy, when they were sitting in his car, eating
 greasy chicken out of a bag and staking out some seedy
 apartment building. All of the sudden he would picture himself,
 eating a strawberry out of her vagina, just completely out of the
 blue. It didn't really qualify as a fantasy in the strict sense of the
 word. It wasn't something he would sit at home and jerk-off
 thinking about, wishing he could do. It was just something that
 he would see, utterly against his will.
 
 He looked down at the narrow end of the strawberry, peering out
 from inside her, and realized that it was in fact, one of the more
 beautiful things he had ever imagined. More beautiful in life
 even than in his mind. 
 
 He moved his head between her legs and they spread wide for
 him, shaking as they did. He stroked her thighs soothingly as he
 started to suck lightly on the fruit. So juicy and sweet and a little
 bit tangy now as it mixed with her flavor. He took a small bite,
 watching her chest rise and fall erratically. He knew he was
 making her insane and he couldn't help but gather some
 satisfaction from that. Although his own self control was
 declining rapidly. 
 
 He was enjoying the strawberry but he was consumed with the
 need to taste Scully, just Scully. He took another large bite then
 finally sucked what was left out of her and into his mouth. It was
 the most amazing thing he had ever tasted. He let it roll around
 in his mouth for a moment, savoring the stunning combination of
 flavors and textures. Scully was much much better than
 chocolate sauce. 
 
 She was also moaning and writhing under him, waiting for him.
 When he was finished with his snack he moved onto the main
 course, plunging his tongue inside her. He swirled around in her,
 trying to find another morsel of strawberry, to lick her clean. She
 clutched his head with the same ferocity she had demonstrated
 when he'd been at her breast before.  She was trembling quite
 hard and her feet were curled up into little balls in the blanket. 
 
 He slid his tongue out of her and ran over the outer lips of her
 vulva. She whimpered in that helpless way that told him she was
 very close to orgasm and he pressed his tongue, flat and hard,
 against her clit. A few small circular motions were all it took. He
 stayed with her as the spasms overtook her body and she cried
 out his name over and over. It was the best thing in the world,
 hearing her call to him when she came. She always did, every
 time. Even when it was her own hands doing the work. And it
 melted his heart and turned his dick to steel.
 
 He kept his head between her legs as she trembled against him,
 continuing to caress her with his tongue until she tugged on his
 hair, signaling that it was finally too much. 
 
 He moved up to kiss her mouth and she surprised him with her
 frenzied response. Usually she was relatively calm after orgasm
 but tonight she was almost crazed. Her legs wrapped
 themselves tightly around his back and she bit and licked at his
 face and neck while humming almost constantly in the back of
 her throat. Before he knew what was happening her hands were
 between them, working on the buttons of his jeans. She grunted
 with frustration as she tried to pull them off so he helped her.
 Soon they and his boxers were lying in a pile with his shirt and
 her clothes. 
 
 As soon as he felt his cock pressing against her hot, wet center
 he felt almost dizzy with want. And he was afraid. Afraid that he
 wanted her too much to really do this, that he would end up
 hurting her, moving too fast, too hard, that he would lose all
 control. 
 
 He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. He listened to
 the ocean for a moment. It was moving closer to them. The
 spray from the waves was hitting them almost constantly now. It
 almost felt like rain. In a few hours this place would be
 completely submerged. He decided to meditate on that for a
 moment, to concentrate on the gentle, calm movements of the
 waves, rolling in slowly, soothingly...
 
 "Mulder...God Mulder. Fuck me. Do it now!"
 
 The ocean disappeared and all he could feel or hear or see or
 smell was her soft, hungry body, arching under him, rubbing
 against him. Telling him to fuck her. Jesus Christ. He wondered
 if she would ever understand what that did to him. 
 
 He reached over into his jeans pocket for the condom he'd been
 carrying around with him since that first night they had been
 together and sat back on his knees to put it on. God knows,
 getting an eighteen year old Scully pregnant was not high on his
 list of priorities. 
 
 Once he was done he took himself in his hands and gently
 probed her entrance. She was certainly wet and ready for him
 but he knew it wasn't going to be as easy as all that. It was going
 to hurt her. A lot. And it made him terribly sad to think that. And
 nervous. He'd never had sex with a virgin and it was something
 he'd never really planned on. If he screwed it up he would never
 be able to forgive himself. 
 
 He counted slowly to himself in his head and tried to concentrate
 on one single word. Slow. Do it slow. Very, very slow.
 
 He pushed a little bit and she opened to let him in. He looked at
 her face for a sign of discomfort. Her eyes were closed and her
 mouth was partially opened. She looked okay. Hell she looked
 amazing, but he tried not to think about that too much.
 
 Then he pressed a little further and her eyes shot open. She
 gasped and bit her lip. He was hurting her. God, he was hurting
 her.
 
 "Scully, are you okay? Should I stop? Does it hurt?"
 
 "No, no don't stop. It hurts a little but it's okay. It's supposed to
 hurt. Keep going Mulder."
 
 He was still for a moment to let her get used to the feel and then
 moved another inch or so inside. It was supposed to hurt. God, it
 was so unfair. She felt so fucking good to him. She was so tight,
 so wet, and she was Scully and it was all he could do to keep
 from ramming into her like a lunatic and ripping her open. He bit
 down on his lip to keep from doing just that. And to share in the
 pain a little bit. 
 
 "Is that it Mulder? Is it all the way in?"
 
 God, Scully. How could he hurt her this way? He wasn't even
 halfway inside her.
 
 "Mulder?"
 
 "Um, yeah. Yeah it is."
 
 He could just pretend. It didn't have to be all the way in. He
 could do it like this. It would be fine.
 
 "Mulder, it's not is it? Just do it Mulder. Just like jumping in the
 pool. All the way." 
 
 "Scully...I..."
 
 Suddenly her hands were on his backside, shoving him deep
 inside her before he had a chance to stop it. He groaned and
 shuddered despite himself at the feeling. He was in. All the way.
 And it felt so fucking good. So good. He could lose himself very
 easily.
 
 She grimaced and he could tell that she was trying not to cry out
 from the pain. He leaned down and touched her face lightly. 
 
 "Th..that's it. It's all the way. Are...are you okay?"
 
 She nodded but he could tell she really wasn't. He moved so
 that his whole body was covering hers and took her cheeks in
 his hands, kissing her softly. He rested his elbows on either side
 of her head and was somewhat gratified when his bone grated
 against the hard surface of the rock underneath the blanket.
 Pain was good. He needed pain. He needed to share this with
 her as much as humanly possible. And he needed something to
 distract him from his urges.
 
 "You just tell me when it stops hurting Scully," he whispered. He
 would wait. He wouldn't move an inch until she was ready.
 
 xxxxx
 
 When it stops hurting. Scully wondered if that day would ever
 come. She felt like her insides were being torn apart.  Why did
 she have to be a virgin? It was so unfair, so aggravating. She
 could see that he wanted to start moving, to really fuck her
 good. He was shaking from the effort of remaining still. And she
 wanted it too. In her head. Her stupid body seemed to have
 other plans though. 
 
 He was being so sweet, so tender and caring. She appreciated it
 more than she could ever express but it was also starting to
 drive her a little buggy. It was really amazing lying here in his
 arms, feeling him inside her, but she knew she wasn't going to
 really enjoy this on a physical level. She was doing it for the way
 it made her feel in her heart. And part of her just wished he
 would take her in a way that he would really enjoy, a way that
 would at least give her the vicarious pleasure. 
 
 "Mulder, it's okay, you can move. It's okay."
 
 He let out a breath she hadn't noticed him holding before and
 started to drag himself slowly out of her. She felt as though she
 could feel every vein on his throbbing erection scraping against
 her insides. She wondered how it could possibly hurt so much
 when his fingers didn't hurt her at all. But despite the pain, she
 was happy. Happy to see the gratified look on his face and hear
 his voice quavering on a moan. She could definitely get used to
 this. 
 
 He pulled almost completely out of her and she was grateful for
 the temporary respite, until his smile turned to a frown, and his
 face took on a look of terror she had never seen. He was looking
 down between them.
 
 "Scully..."
 
 She looked down too and saw the problem. She was bleeding. It
 was on him. 
 
 "Oh, Mulder...I...I'm sorry..."
 
 She didn't know what else to say. It was so embarrassing. He
 had to be utterly disgusted. 
 
 "Scully...sorry? No Scully, it's...it's my fault. I hurt you. I...I broke
 you Scully."
 
 He was just sitting there on his knees, looking between them
 with an expression of shock and remorse, like he'd just stabbed
 someone accidentally. It was ridiculous. 
 
 "Mulder, you didn't break me..." she almost laughed repeating
 the words. He was so silly sometimes. "It's supposed to bleed
 Mulder. It's normal."
 
 "I...I know but it, it seems like a lot. Are you sure you're okay? I
 mean, do, do you need to go to the hospital or something?"
 
 She bit down on her lip to keep from laughing out loud this time.
 The hospital? He was really over the edge here. It was sweet
 that he was so worried about her but it was so absurd.
 
 "Mulder you don't...people don't...it's a broken hymen Mulder.
 You don't go to the hospital for that."
 
 She started giggling uncontrollably at the look of confusion and
 concern on his face. How could someone be so simultaneously
 brilliant and naive? When she started laughing though, he
 smiled.
 
 "Are you laughing at me Scully? Is that what you're doing?
 Cause it sounds a lot like you're laughing at me."
 
 She continued to laugh and he joined her. They sat there
 partially joined, giggling for a long time. It was beautiful to see
 him laugh. He didn't do it very often and it was a wonderfully
 soothing thing. It relaxed her. And it made her forget the pain. It
 made everything feel good. Maybe she could enjoy this after all.
 
 After they had calmed down a bit she smiled at him
 encouragingly. 
 
 "So, does the blood bother you Mulder? Do you wanna stop?"
 
 He looked startled and shook his head.
 
 "Only if you do Scully. It only bothers me because I don't wanna
 hurt you." 
 
 She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him
 down for a kiss. He moved back over her body and pushed
 gently and slowly inside her again. It didn't hurt as much as the
 first time. It still wasn't great but it was better.
 
 "Keep going Mulder, it feels good."
 
 And it did. As he gently started moving inside her, holding her
 face in his hands and grinning at her, she felt better than she
 ever had in her life. The sheer joy of seeing him like this,
 sharing in his happiness, was enough to make the pain
 irrelevant. 
 
 After several moments of his slow, sensual and rhythmic
 thrusting inside her she started to feel like she might even be
 able to get some physical gratification. Not an orgasm certainly
 but it was starting to feel pretty nice. 
 
 She noticed that he was starting to quiver against her and that
 he was panting heavily into her mouth as he kissed her. His
 movements sped up a little bit and he pulled back from her. He
 flattened his palms against the ground and rose up on his arms
 and she watched as his face contorted into a grimace of
 pleasure.
 
 "So good Scully...you feel sooo gooood..."
 
 His eyes slipped shut and he reached down, pulling her legs up
 so that they rested on his shoulders. It let him deeper inside and
 surprisingly it made the pain almost disappear entirely. She was
 wide open. 
 
 He looked down at her questioningly.
 
 "Okay? S'okay?" he asked as he started pumping into her
 harder, faster. 
 
 "Mmmyeah. S'better."
 
 He nodded and closed his eyes again. He looked so radiant, so
 sexy, so damned happy. His body was covered with a mixture of
 sweat and sea water, every muscle tensed in effort, his face a
 vision of rapture. 
 
 He started moving even faster and every time he pounded into
 her, her body shook. His almost constant moaning was now
 interspersed with an occasional little "yeah" which for some
 reason, made her incredibly hot. He seemed very close. She
 hoped he wasn't waiting for her. She hoped he knew and
 understood that it just wasn't going to happen for her this time. 
 
 His pumping grew less rhythmic, more frantic and frenzied and
 she moaned encouragingly. Then suddenly he stopped. He
 looked down at her almost pleadingly.
 
 "Scully? I..."
 
 "It's okay Mulder. It's okay. I want you to come for me. Come for
 me, please." 
 
 "I don't...I...."
 
 She grabbed his ass and moved underneath him and he cried
 out and bit his lip.
 
 "Give it to me Mulder. Let it go."
 
 Finally he let himself go completely, driving into her with an
 almost superhuman force, over and over, lost to her, lost in her.
 He was hers. His eyes flew open and he captured her with his
 last conscious thought, his last coherent words.
 
 "Love you Scully. Love you. Love you. Love you." 
 
 She felt him expand inside her and then as he made a sound
 that reminded Scully of a wolf howling at the moon, she felt him
 explode, filling her womb with a heat she had never known.
 
 xxxxx
 
 Water. Lots of water. Mulder was very wet. And it wasn't just
 Scully wetness. He had no idea how long he'd been lying on top
 of her body in a semi conscious state but at some point the tide
 had rolled in completely. They were lying in a rapidly growing
 pool of water. The blanket was soaked and he saw the carton of
 strawberries floating out to sea. They would be joining them
 soon if they didn't move. And their clothes. 
 
 Shit! His car keys. He moved off of her reluctantly and grabbed
 his jeans before they were swept away. Scully sat up and
 chuckled at him as he gathered their things frantically. Very
 amusing. Leave it to him to pick a romantic hideaway that
 turned into a deathtrap. 
 
 He tossed her her clothes and she pulled them on hurriedly. He
 put on his jeans and grabbed his shirt and her hand, leading her
 quickly off the rock and back to safe, dry land. They found a
 bench that was far away from the water and sat down to watch
 the rocks be consumed by the ocean. Well Scully watched that.
 Mulder couldn't take his eyes off her. 
 
 He didn't really know what to say to her to make this better. She
 couldn't have possibly enjoyed that but he almost felt too
 awkward to even apologize. They sat in silence for several
 minutes and he became more and more convinced that she was
 trying to think of a delicate way to tell him that it had been the
 worst experience of her life. Why had he even tried? He'd
 known he wouldn't be able to control himself.
 
 She turned to him suddenly and smiled. 
 
 "Mulder, that was wonderful. Thank you."
 
 "Thank..." he choked and shook his head. She had to be kidding.
 Or being polite.
 
 "Scully, you didn't even come. It lasted about five minutes! I was
 horrible Scully. I just...I wanted it so bad. I couldn't..." he couldn't
 keep talking because his throat constricted. He felt tears welling
 in his eyes and had to look away from her. 
 
 "Mulder..." she stroked his hair and tried to turn his face towards
 hers.
 
 "Mulder look at me."
 
 He turned to her and looked at her knees. She put her hand
 under his chin and forced him to meet her eyes.
 
 "Mulder, stop. It was perfect. Nobody comes the first time. No
 women anyway. I wanted you to give yourself to me, completely,
 to let yourself go. And you did that. It was just what I wanted
 Mulder." 
 
 The tears started flowing freely down his face and he bit back a
 sob. She still loved him. She didn't think he was a pathetic
 excuse for a man. She still wanted him. 
 
 He slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him,
 squeezing her tight. 
 
 "I...I'll do better next time Scully. I promise. I'll make it good for
 you."
 
 She sighed heavily and shook her head against his chest.
 
 "Do you have a listening impairment Mulder? It was great for
 me. I loved it."
 
 "I know but..."
 
 "No buts Mulder. I loved it this time. I'll love it the next time. And
 every time. Because I love you. I'll love you forever."
 
 end part 9

September 3, 1982
 
 Scully looked down at her plate with a heavy, nauseous feeling.
 It had been nearly half an hour since the waitress had set it
 down and she'd only managed to stomach a forkful. Mulder
 seemed to be faring equally poorly. They sat in the fancy
 restaurant in downtown Annapolis without speaking, without
 eating. The only movement seemed to be Mulder's incessant
 fingers drumming on the table cloth. 
 
 He was nervous. She could tell this much. She was something
 that went beyond nervous, to a place of fear and dread that she
 had never inhabited. Almost an entire month had gone by since
 she had given her body to him on that beach in Delaware. An
 entire month spent together laughing, making love, talking.
 Talking, but never about this. Never about tonight, or tomorrow,
 or what happened after that. 
 
 They were putting it off, both of them. She realized that.
 Pretending that it wasn't going to happen, that it didn't have to
 happen. And deep inside, she still harbored a hope that it
 wouldn't. 
 
 But one look at his dismal face across the table told her
 otherwise. He had bad news to tell her tonight. Perhaps worse
 that she had feared.
 
 The waitress drifted by and looked vaguely surprised when he
 gestured for the check. She dropped it on the table without a
 word though. Obviously the dire mood between them was
 apparent even to a complete stranger. 
 
 He dropped a pile of bills on the table and reached for her hand.
 Without a word he led her out into the night. 
 
 They walked hand in hand, still silent, down the boardwalk for
 several minutes. Scully felt strangely put off by the bustle of
 evening activity, by the calm of the water and the pretty lights
 from the buildings. This was a place that usually made her
 happy, a place she knew was going to be ruined for her very
 soon. It seemed so wrong that it was the same as always, that
 people here were carrying on as if it were just another night,
 another hour. She felt like the world was about to end and she
 was the only person who realized it.
 
 When he stopped walking and leaned against the railing, letting
 go of her hand, turning to her somewhat reluctantly, she thought
 for sure that she heard the sky falling. 
 
 "Scully..."
 
 It was all he said for a long time. She stood beside him, looking
 out at the water. She heard a little baby crying and it comforted
 her in a small way. She wasn't alone at least.
 
 When he started talking again, it was a torrent of words, some
 that she heard, some that just echoed in her brain without ever
 settling into a logical pattern. 
 
 "I have to go..." was how he started. The rest scarcely mattered
 to her. She listened to his careful, well thought out arguments.
 She was too young to have this kind of relationship, he would
 only end up hurting her by staying around, he would suffocate
 her, make it impossible for her to grow or to learn, he had no
 idea how much he had screwed things up by coming back here
 in the first place and he didn't want to tempt fate any further,
 something was telling him it was time to go. 
 
 As he spoke she continued to stare at the water, nodding a few
 times when his words rang true, clutching the rail with whitening
 knuckles. She felt the tears building inside her and she bit her lip
 to hold them back. She couldn't, wouldn't look at him. It would
 only make it worse. 
 
 "Scully..."
 
 He reached for her face and she jerked away reflexively. If he
 touched her she was sure she would crumble into a million
 pieces.
 
 "We'll see each other again Scully. I have to believe that. It's the
 only hope I have in this life."
 
 His voice cracked as he spoke and she finally looked at his face.
 His eyes were full of water and pain and horror. And she
 understood. This wasn't his choice. Not really. He was doing
 what he thought was right for her, for the future, for them. She
 couldn't be angry with him for this and that made the whole
 situation even more painful. 
 
 "Do you understand Scully? Do you believe?"
 
 She wasn't sure how to answer that. Yes she understood. She
 understood why he was making the choice but she didn't
 understand the cruelty of fate that forced him to make it. Yes
 she believed that they were destined for each other but destiny
 had let her die once before, what would it do to them now? Yes
 she believed that he loved her, that he would wait for her for
 eternity but could she believe that their time would ever come?
 
 She nodded as she felt a cold, bitter tear fall down her face. She
 wasn't about to beg.
 
 He reached between them again and stroked her cheek with his
 thumb, catching the moisture.
 
 "Forever Scully. I swear to God."
 
 He leaned down to kiss her and she kissed him back with
 everything she had in her, everything she possessed to show
 him what he was to her, to show him that she too would wait,
 would love, forever. They kissed with a desperation and
 neediness that frightened her. It felt like falling into a black hole. 
 
 She clutched at his jacket for support, feeling as though her legs
 might simply give out from under her at any moment. 
 
 The salt of their tears and saliva mixed on her face and she tried
 to memorize the taste.
 
 When he pulled back it was like ripping duct tape off her body.
 
 His eyes were still closed and he backed away from her.
 
 "Go Scully."
 
 "I ca..."
 
 "Go now. Please."
 
 He still wouldn't open his eyes. He turned his back to her
 completely, unable to watch her walk away from him. She
 stumbled backwards a few steps, unable to stop watching his
 shaking form. 
 
 When she was several feet away from him she remembered
 something important and ran back. She grabbed his shoulder.
 
 "Mulder..."
 
 "Scully PLEASE!" he cried, unwilling to turn around. She pulled
 the tiny piece of gold from her neck and placed it in his open
 palm from behind him. She closed her fingers around his hand
 and kissed the back of his neck. 
 
 "Keep this safe for me," she whispered before turning and
 walking the road back to her apartment alone. 
 
 xxxxx
 
 "Mulder, are you all right?"
 
 The frantic shout was almost as loud as the pounding on the
 bathroom door. Mulder muttered something noncommittal to
 make Mark go away and heaved over the toilet again. He
 couldn't remember ever in his life feeling as foul, as dirty. This
 was wrong. It was all hideously and deeply wrong. Twisted. 
 
 Who the hell had he thought he was coming back here? He
 hadn't saved her, he'd only hurt her sooner. He didn't think he
 would ever be able to forget her tears tonight. He'd been
 sobbing himself uncontrollably since she'd handed him her cross
 and walked away from him on that pier. Sobbing so hard that
 when he'd finally managed to drive himself home he'd ended up
 vomiting up every ounce of food in his stomach.
 
 He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He didn't know what
 in God's name he was supposed to be doing. 
 
 He thought this was the right decision but how was he supposed
 to know? How was he supposed to be sure when it made him
 feel like dying and hurt her so badly? 
 
 He couldn't live without her. How was he supposed to live
 without her? 
 
 "How?" he asked in the empty room. "HOW?"
 
 He stood up and held the sink for support, looking at himself in
 the dingy mirror. There was bile dripping from his chin. There
 was the same darkness in his eyes that he'd seen after she'd
 died. 
 
 "How, you stupid son of a bitch? How?" 
 
 And he knew the answer. There was no way. He couldn't do this.
 It was impossible. He didn't care if he was screwing with fate,
 playing God, whatever. He didn't care if every bone in his body
 was telling him to go, go now before he screwed things up. He
 didn't care if it was bad for both of them in the long run, he
 needed to be with her now, while he still had the chance. 
 
 He looked again at his deranged visage in the mirror. 
 
 No. He couldn't do that to her, he couldn't stay. But he couldn't
 go. 
 
 He brought both his fists to the mirror and slammed into it,
 harder than he had intended. Shards of  broken, reflective glass,
 stuck to his hands, crashed to the floor. 
 
 He sank to the floor with them, to his knees. Blood from his
 hands covered his face as he weeped into them. He felt another
 heave building in him but he knew there was nothing left inside.
 He was empty.
 
 "What the hell am I supposed to DO?" he moaned to himself. 
 
 He reached into his pocket and took out the memento that she
 had given him. Her cross. He thought back to other times, to the
 significance of that small piece of jewelry, to how much it meant
 to her and what it meant for her to give it to him.
 
 His faith had screwed them up. It had screwed them up royally.
 Maybe it was time to give what she believed in a fighting
 chance. 
 
 He held the chain in his fingers, dangling the cross in front of his
 face and looked upwards. At least he was in the right position.
 
 "Um...I've never exactly done this. I mean I don't really know..."
 
 He broke off into another choking sob. He felt ridiculous but
 maybe, just maybe. It was his last hope.
 
 "I just...I need her. I mean I really, really need her. And she..."
 he swallowed a gasp and tears stung the back of his throat.
 "She believes in you so I just thought maybe you could help us. I
 need to know...I need to be sure...I have to know that I'm doing
 the right thing here because if I can't be sure then I don't think I
 can do it. I need...I need a sign. Anything. I just need to know
 that this is the right decision. Please..."
 
 He burst into pathetic, wrenching tears, realizing how far he'd
 sunk. Praying to a God he didn't really think existed like some
 eleventh hour convert in an exploding mine, sitting on the floor
 of a dirty bathroom with blood and vomit covered hands and
 knees. But he asked again.
 
 "Please...please...please."
 
 And again and again. And he cried himself to sleep on the floor
 of that bathroom like a wounded child.
 
 
 end part 10

Title: Eleventh Hour (11/11)
 Author: Rachel Anton
 E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
 Rating: NC-17
 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.
 
 
 
 Mulder woke with a stiff feeling in his joints. A feeling he wasn't
 used to anymore. He was hot and uncomfortable. Sticky.
 
 The bathroom. That's where he'd fallen asleep. No wonder he
 was feeling so disgusting. Nothing like sleeping in your own
 vomit and blood on a concrete floor covered in glass to give you
 a rejuvenated feeling in the morning. 
 
 He wondered sickly what time it was, if he had missed his flight.
 Maybe he had. If he had, well maybe he could take that as the
 sign he'd been asking for. 
 
 He opened his eyes slowly. Everything was fuzzy and bright.
 And yellow. Like sunrise. 
 
 He wasn't on the floor. He wasn't in the bathroom. 
 
 He jerked up, startled, and next to him, a woman sighed.
 
 He wasn't in the bathroom and he wasn't alone.
 
 "Mmm...Mulder, go back to sleep."
 
 He knew that voice. He would have known it anywhere. He
 turned to her and shook her naked back. Naked. She was naked.
 So was he. Little things started dawning on him slowly. This
 place they were, it wasn't her apartment, it wasn't his either. This
 bed they were in, it didn't seem familiar. He wondered if maybe
 he'd gotten wasted last night and dragged her to a motel. 
 
 "Scully. Scully wake up!"
 
 She made an irritated grunting sound and turned to face him.
 She turned and she...she was Scully. She was really, really
 Scully. The Scully he had known. The Scully who had died. She
 looked exactly the same as she had the last day he had seen
 her, the day they had had that terrible fight. 
 
 "Mulder what is it? It's too early." 
 
 He noticed a mirror hanging opposite the bed. Their bed? He
 looked at their reflection. He was him. Forty years old again.
 And she was her. Naked. In their bed.
 
 "Scully what day is it?"
 
 She rolled her eyes and turned over again.
 
 "Go to sleep Mulder."
 
 "What year is it? Scully? What year?"
 
 "Mulder shuddup and lemme sleep. We've gotta go to work in a
 couple hours."
 
 Work. Where did they work? What state were they in? What
 planet??
 
 For a minute he was sure it had to be a dream or hallucination.
 Then the next minute he figured everything else that had come
 before had been a dream. But maybe none of it was a dream.
 Maybe it was all real. 
 
 "Scully, I'm serious. I need to know. What..."
 
 She sat up and turned to face him fully and the blanket fell,
 revealing her soft, beautiful body underneath. He couldn't finish
 the question.
 
 "Mulder, I'm serious too. Stop being silly and let me..."
 
 She drifted off and stared blankly down at his hand. He followed
 her gaze. The cross. It was the fucking cross, shining golden in
 the sunlight. 
 
 "Mulder where...where did you find that?" 
 
 She reached over and took it from him, turning it over and over
 in her hands.
 
 "I um...I don't..."
 
 "Mulder I can't believe you found that! I've been looking
 every...for years...I...."
 
 Tears started to flow down her face but this time she was
 smiling. This time they were tears of happiness. 
 
 Suddenly she threw her arms around him, startling him. For a
 moment he didn't respond because he was so gripped with
 confusion and uncertainty. He still didn't know where they were,
 or what their lives were like, he didn't know what had happened
 in the past, what he had chosen, how he had gotten here. But as
 he felt her arms tighten around him, as her lips began tracing
 sweet kisses down his neck and arms, as she whispered "I love
 you so much", he realized none of that mattered much. He must
 have done something right because somehow, some way, he
 had ended up here. 
 
 
 END! :)
 
 More ramblings from the author:
 Okay, that was the first idea for a fanfic that I ever had. I posted
 it a looong time ago as a challenge and nobody answered it as
 far as I know so I decided to take it on myself. It's my first
 attempt at a pre-Xfiles story and I'm a teensy bit uncertain about
 it. Any feedback, good, bad or ugly, would be greatly
 appreciated! Thanks for reading folks. 
 
 
  >>

From: RaValliano@aol.com
Return-path: <RaValliano@aol.com>
To: xff-atxc@lists.x-philes.com
Subject: Eleventh Hour (11/11) by Rachel Anton
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1998 21:42:28 EDT
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII
Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit

Title: Eleventh Hour (11/11)
Author: Rachel Anton
E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
Rating: NC-17
See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.



Mulder woke with a stiff feeling in his joints. A feeling he wasn't
used to anymore. He was hot and uncomfortable. Sticky.

The bathroom. That's where he'd fallen asleep. No wonder he
was feeling so disgusting. Nothing like sleeping in your own
vomit and blood on a concrete floor covered in glass to give you
a rejuvenated feeling in the morning. 

He wondered sickly what time it was, if he had missed his flight.
Maybe he had. If he had, well maybe he could take that as the
sign he'd been asking for. 

He opened his eyes slowly. Everything was fuzzy and bright.
And yellow. Like sunrise. 

He wasn't on the floor. He wasn't in the bathroom. 

He jerked up, startled, and next to him, a woman sighed.

He wasn't in the bathroom and he wasn't alone.

"Mmm...Mulder, go back to sleep."

He knew that voice. He would have known it anywhere. He
turned to her and shook her naked back. Naked. She was naked.
So was he. Little things started dawning on him slowly. This
place they were, it wasn't her apartment, it wasn't his either. This
bed they were in, it didn't seem familiar. He wondered if maybe
he'd gotten wasted last night and dragged her to a motel. 

"Scully. Scully wake up!"

She made an irritated grunting sound and turned to face him.
She turned and she...she was Scully. She was really, really
Scully. The Scully he had known. The Scully who had died. She
looked exactly the same as she had the last day he had seen
her, the day they had had that terrible fight. 

"Mulder what is it? It's too early." 

He noticed a mirror hanging opposite the bed. Their bed? He
looked at their reflection. He was him. Forty years old again.
And she was her. Naked. In their bed.

"Scully what day is it?"

She rolled her eyes and turned over again.

"Go to sleep Mulder."

"What year is it? Scully? What year?"

"Mulder shuddup and lemme sleep. We've gotta go to work in a
couple hours."

Work. Where did they work? What state were they in? What
planet??

For a minute he was sure it had to be a dream or hallucination.
Then the next minute he figured everything else that had come
before had been a dream. But maybe none of it was a dream.
Maybe it was all real. 

"Scully, I'm serious. I need to know. What..."

She sat up and turned to face him fully and the blanket fell,
revealing her soft, beautiful body underneath. He couldn't finish
the question.

"Mulder, I'm serious too. Stop being silly and let me..."

She drifted off and stared blankly down at his hand. He followed
her gaze. The cross. It was the fucking cross, shining golden in
the sunlight. 

"Mulder where...where did you find that?" 

She reached over and took it from him, turning it over and over
in her hands.

"I um...I don't..."

"Mulder I can't believe you found that! I've been looking
every...for years...I...."

Tears started to flow down her face but this time she was
smiling. This time they were tears of happiness. 

Suddenly she threw her arms around him, startling him. For a
moment he didn't respond because he was so gripped with
confusion and uncertainty. He still didn't know where they were,
or what their lives were like, he didn't know what had happened
in the past, what he had chosen, how he had gotten here. But as
he felt her arms tighten around him, as her lips began tracing
sweet kisses down his neck and arms, as she whispered "I love
you so much", he realized none of that mattered much. He must
have done something right because somehow, some way, he
had ended up here. 


END! :)

More ramblings from the author:
Okay, that was the first idea for a fanfic that I ever had. I posted
it a looong time ago as a challenge and nobody answered it as
far as I know so I decided to take it on myself. It's my first
attempt at a pre-Xfiles story and I'm a teensy bit uncertain about
it. Any feedback, good, bad or ugly, would be greatly
appreciated! Thanks for reading folks.